15 Feb 1999. Fenter and his sidekick (Envoy) thwart Wyckyd's nefarious plans.
(Rephidim Bazaar) (Envoy) (Fenter) (Rephidim) (Roho) (Spheres of Magic)
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The Bazaar
In the bright mid-day, the air is cool and crisp and full of the sounds – and smells – of a bustling street lined on each side with booths, vendors and customers – some loudly haggling over prices of the displayed wares. Occasionally a Zelak patrol wanders by to keep the peace and to keep a lookout for those with sticky fingers … and, to be sure, there are plenty shady sorts lurking in the shadows, regarding the passersby with hungry eyes. Or perhaps that's just a peddler over there, begging for a scrap of bread. In any case, it's a barrage on the senses – exciting and exhilirating, full of life and action.

Envoy wanders between the stalls. She's not actually looking for anything, so much as seeing how long she can resist looking for something.

A raccoon in rather goofy looking mage robes sprinkles a handful of bluish dust on the ground. Oddly, it turns bright yellow when it touches the soil. He nods at his work and steps inside his newly created circle, then starts to mutter to himself.

The white-winged Exile pauses in her mission of doing nothing to watch the Chaos Mage at work. Maybe something will blow up.

Fenter spins on his toe and makes a whistling noise, his fingers tracing invisible patterns in the air around him. His tail scoops up some of the yellow dust of his circle and blows it into the air, where it becomes a small puff of green dust.

A feline in a bright red and green kadiban (turban with headdress) hawks his wares – sweet confections imported from the faraway land of Abu Dhabi. "Sweet xocholatl … nectar of the gods! And delicacies more tantalizing than the finest fruits that Nature could ever produce!"

Roho shakes his head at a merchant, "No, I wanted both sizes of bandage. What am I supposed to do with what you delivered, make a tent? I want the rest delivered by – " A small cloud of green dust drifts past his nose, and the rest of the rant is lost in a sudden sneezing fit!

Wynona? Envoy perks her ears and looks for the sneezer.

"Dusts whirl, songs swirl, breezes unfurl," the raccoon chants, "and if I have to keep spinning like this, there's the chance that I may hu-… gzunteit sir! Sorry about that!"

Envoy makes her way over to the Fennec doctor, and offers him a handkerchief.

Roho rubs at his nose, "It's no problem, a dry day makes the dust fly." He doesn't seem to notice the offered handkerchief.

"Sweet xocholatl," cries the turbaned merchant feline. "Nec – SWEET XOCHOLATL!" the cat cries out in alarm. "Help! HELP! VERMIN! PESTILENCE!"

Fenter harumphs and stops his spell. "Will you please keep it DOWN! Some of us are trying to concentrate!"

Roho blinks, "Odd sales pitch."

Envoy blinks at the mention of vermin and pestilence. She figured Fenter was trying to summon Creens. "I don't think he means us, Roho. Would you like a handkerchief?"

Roho smiles, "Oh! Envoy! Hello… no, that's all right, I'm okay. Just a little dust in the air." He has no idea he just snorted some green stuff.

Envoy says, "It's magic dust though. Fenter is working some sort of spell."

Several vermites spill out from the booth, carrying away various candies. They scramble across the cobbles … but, amazingly enough, part ways to go around Fenter's magic circle.

Roho ohs? "Umm… do you know if it's going to do anything weird? Change me into a kyootecumber, or anything?"

The Exile suppresses her first thought, that the dust is magic pollen designed to attract Creens. She doesn't think Roho would like Creens flying up his nose. "Well, he's spreading it around pretty liberally, and didn't mention anything like that in his spell… "

The swarm of vermites disappears, leaving the feline merchant sobbing at his booth. "I am RUINED!"

"HEY! Those things will rot your teeth you know!" Fenter yells after the vermites. He sits down in his circle and scoops up a bowl at his feet, sniffing at the bottom of it.

Roho smiles, "I'm sure it's safe, then. A mage would certainly never endanger others on such a whim."

Envoy definitely doesn't answer that comment, and instead wonders about why vermites would attack one Xocholatl booth en-masse like that.

The raccoon stuffs the bowl under his hat and pulls himself to his feet, dusting some of the yellow powder off of the hem of his robe. It turns red against the cloth.

Waving her hand, Envoy tries to get Fenter's attention so she can ask him what he's doing.

A vermite pauses to sniff at Fenter's circle, and then promptly explodes.

Envoy blinks, and tells Roho, "I really think you should use the handkerchief to blow your nose, Roho. Really."

Roho chuckles, "Magic dust… perhaps you're right." He accepts the hankie, and gives a kingly honk into it. He umms, "I can wash this for you."

Fenter politely waves back to the Aeolun and then makes a face in the direction of the former vermite. "I TOLD you sweets were bad."

The former vermite doesn't have any witty comeback.

"That's okay," Envoy tells Roho, and calls to Fenter, "What are you trying to do, Fen- err… Honored Mage of the Sphere of Chaos?"

The raccoon shrugs and pokes through the pieces of the Vermite. It's a shame to let good xocholatl go to waste. "I WAS trying to do a bit of entertainment… but Mister Pestilence distracted my spell."

Envoy isn't sure if 'Mister Pestilence' refers to the vermite or to the lamenting xocholatl vender… or to someone else. "Is the dust safe when it's green?"

Fenter rubs his nose. "I suppose so. I like to pour about a teaspoon in my mateh each morning… it makes a rather nice creamer."

Roho chuckles softly, "Well, then, Envoy, I guess I'm unlikely to die a horrible death. At least, unless our mage here has really bad taste in food."

"Define bad taste?" Envoy asks Roho.

Roho scratches his chin, "If he enjoys things that others find, well, poisonous."

Fenter makes a soft coughing noise and starts scuffing up the circle with his foot.

Envoy ponders that for a bit. "Does eating at Binter's Shack count?"

Roho grins, "Possibly, yes!"

"Well… " Envoys rambles, "I've never seen him eat anything that would kill a vermite. Before today, that is."

"I resent that!" the raccoon calls out, pulling his hat down over his ears. He starts to shuffle towards the xocholatl booth… and then drops on his hands and knees and peers underneath it.

Envoy leans in close to whisper to Roho, "Although, he may have eaten some strange things in his youth. He sometimes behaves in even stranger ways than I do, and he isn't even an Exile."

Roho nods, and whispers back, "One doesn't need to be an exile to be different. I'm afraid I don't know this one… Are you meeting him to ask for help with your reprogramming, as you put it?"

Fenter lifts up a corner of the booth's curtain and pokes his head inside. "Heloooooooo!"

A feline merchant stoops down to look at Fenter. "What is this? A mage! I am saved!"

"Noo… he was just trying to put on a show," Envoy whispers back. "Although, he does bring to mind his old advisor, Mage Haskalah. She might be able to advise me."

"She was able to help Chiaroscuro get the bugs out of his head," the Exile confides to the Zerda.

"WHERE?!?!" The raccoon sits bolt upright, bangs his head on the table of the booth and goes tumbling backwards. "Ow… Er… um… " He staggers to his feet and brushes his robes off. "I mean… YES! I am a mage, I even have a shiny ring to prove it."

Roho nods, "I guess that was before I met him. Good luck getting the help you desire."

Envoy smiles, "Thank you, Doctor Roho."

Roho chuckles, "Just Roho, please."

"I have been ROBBED!" wails the cat. "I, Hajeem Alazhim, purveyor of fine sweets and candied meats! Every last bit of xocholatl has been taken! Without it … whatever shall I do?"

"Alright, Roho," Envoy says, and returns her attention to the candy merchant.

Fenter folds his arms behind his back. "Um… do you need a mage to answer that question?"

Envoy asks Roho, "You wouldn't happen to know if Vykarins are fond of Xocholatl, would you?"

Hajeem Alazhim says, "Advice! Yes, wisdom from the ancients! I beseech you, honored mage – How can I recover from this pestilence? What hope have I? How can justice be served against those who would ruin me?"

"Um… well… " Fenter's eyes shift from green to blue as his eyes scan the ground. "You could always… er… make more?"

Roho chuckles at Envoy, "I have no idea. Probably depends on the Vykarin."

"Yes! Yes, I could make more!" cries the cat, as if his salvation has been found. "I … I … " He looks dubiously at Fenter. "I, Hajeem Alazhim, was hoping that perhaps the great wisdom of the ancients might be useful in thwarting those evil-doers responsible for this. No matter how small they might be. Did I not see how you handled that pest who ventured to touch your circle? It is plain to see that you possess much power, wise one!"

Envoy whispers to Roho, "Listen closely now, I think Fenter is going to claim to be a god soon. At least, before he sets a price for his services."

"Oh! Of course… yes yes… um." The raccoon taps his foot. "Would it be alright if I checked your booth for a moment… I just want to see about something. Rule number twelve."

"Rule … " ponders the stunned feline, "… number twelve?"

"Ah! Yes, yes, please, honored wiseman, welcome to my humble booth! I would offer you a treat but, alas, all has been taken away by pestilence!" Hajeem adds with a wail.

Fenter dives underneath the counter and starts sniffing around. "Are you sure you don't have a TEENCY piece of xocholatl? It… um… might let me know what smells to ignore."

"Ah … perhaps a bit," offers Hajeem. "But it would have been touched by … " The merchant shudders, and doesn't follow that line of thought. "Ah! I see a precious morsel just there, by your tail!"

Fenter spins around and makes a pounce for the chunk. "They're only vermites… it's not like they carry horrible diseases or anything like… uh… well… I'm sure they don't carry them on purpose!"

"Can you smell any Xocholatl, Roho?" Envoy asks the healer.

Roho nods to Envoy, "Quite a bit, actually."

Envoy whispers, "Does that mean the vermites are still close by?"

Roho shrugs his shoulders, "It just means that there's Xocholatl nearby… Do you want me to try to track it down?"

The chunk of xocholatl in Fenter's hand is a corner broken off of a solid block of the sweet stuff, perhaps fallen there during the disaster that happened a short while ago.

Envoy hmms. "It might be more interesting to watch Fenter try to find it himself… "

Fenter pops it into his mouth and chews. His ears tilt down and he starts to climb back up… except he doesn't stop at the counter. He starts to scurry all the way to the top of the booth.

Hajeem Alazhim lets out another yowl of alarm as the wooden beam supports of the booth protest under the weight of the raccoon mage.

From his heightened vantage point, Fenter can see … lots of booths, tents … Oh, there's some poodle lady who is shrieking and jumping up onto a stage, pushing a juggler out of the way. And then there is a Vykarin that is hopping up and down for some odd reason.

The raccoon makes a bunch of loud pop/click/growling noises in the direction of the Vykarian.

Envoy whispers to Roho, "He's calling out to a Vykarin now. One that might be… dancing?"

The Vykarin click-pop-howls back in the direction of the booth, then stops "dancing".

"HAH!" The Chaos Mage jumps down from perch on top of the booth. "The amazing Fenter is off to save the world again! Woohoo!"

The merchant lets out a sigh of relief as the raccoon is freed from the top of his booth. "Ah! Great and wise ancient, may be the stars of the Procession shine upon – AIEEE!" The front of the booth cushions Fenter's not-quite-so-graceful landing, with the sound of shattering wood and torn cloth, as the booth collapses upon itself. Amazingly, the raccoon emerges unscathed.

Envoy blinks, and asks Roho, "Want to follow? This should be good!"

Fenter grabs the hem of his robe and starts running off in the direction of the other noise… oblivious to the wreck behind him.

Roho chuckles a little, "I suppose it might be interesting… I can spare a little time."

Envoy takes Roho's hand, and leads him after the fleeing Mage.

The raccoon mage finds his way to the stage, where a poodle shrieks about vermin and monsters attacking her, though none can be seen … none, that is, save for a few that are much flatter than they would rather be. The trail of flattened vermites leads through the crowd, perhaps showing the way to where these creatures might have escaped.

"How horrible… not only are there vermites, but also invisible vermin and monsters! I'll bet they crushed these poor little vermites." Fenter pauses to pick up a chunk of xocholatl dropped by one of the flat creatures and pops it into his mouth. "Still… they have left a trail! I will avenge you, poor vermites!" He picks up his pace again.

Envoy waves to the poodle as she drags Roho past the stage.

The trail leads Fenter into a dark alleyway. Well, not DARK, per se. Just dim. Sort of a mediocre alleyway, in terms of ominousness. The trail of flat vermites ends here … presumably since there are no Bazaargoers to be found here to step on them. A small chocolate confection lies on the ground … this one the sort that has a creme filling, normally. There are two small holes punctured into the xocholatl shell.

The raccoon picks up the discarded bit of candy and then peeks over his shoulder at the Aeolun and Zerda. "Are you after the monsters too?" He pauses to sniff a bit at his prize.

The candy smells fairly weak of the creme that should be inside. In fact, it crumbles under the lightest of touches. It's HOLLOW!

Envoy shrugs, "Not unless it's one I already know. But aren't I supposed to be one of your… err… minions?"

"I suppose. I'm allowed to have a sidekick." Fenter makes a face and drops the flakes of chocolate. "You're only a minion if I was a bad guy… good guys have sidekicks."

"I see," Envoy says, quelling the little voice in her head demanding to know which side of Fenter to kick.

Sitting on a crate is another creme-filled confection. It, too, has two small punctures in its surface.

Roho chuckles a little, "And what does that make me?"

Envoy suggests, "The voice of reason?"

The chaos mage hops up on the crate and picks up the newly discovered chocolate shell. He pockets it. "I think I'm only allowed to have one sidekick… but you can be part of the audience as long as you promise to not save me from any horrible deathtraps my nemesis might cook up."

Roho chuckles, "That'd be a first."

"Is that my job then?" Envoy asks. "I'm actually pretty good at keeping people from walking into deathtraps."

The chocolate shell squishes in Fenter's pocket.

It must have been hollow, too.

"No no no no!" The chaos mage's eyes flash from yellow to green as he hops off the crate (not that Roho would notice). "You're NOT supposed to save me from any deathtraps… er… unless you're the sidekick." He starts looking around for chocolate number three. "Just tell everyone you're villains in training or something and you should be fine."

A bit of searching, and Fenter finds another hollow chocolate further down the alleyway. A trail!

Envoy asks Roho, "Can you laugh really annoyingly?"

"Hurry hurry now! Musn't keep him waiting… Tardy people never save the world." Fenter starts to sprint after the trail, collecting the bits of chocolate in one of his pockets.

Envoy pulls Roho along, and comments, "I'm not sure that last part is entirely true. I think Fenter was fifteen minutes late one time, and still saved the world."

"Was not!" the Chaos mage barks back, diving into a crate and popping out the other side. Several vermites skitter out and vanish in crevaces of nearby buildings. Oblivious to it all, the raccoon dashes around a corner.

Envoy decides not to drag Roho through the crate, and just follows on foot.

The raccoon follows along his trail at full speed, picking up bits of chocolate. His nose is focused on the ground… which proves to be not a very good thing as he fails to notice the wall of the clock tower. Or at least his eyes fail to notice it… his head notices it rather well as it slams into the base of the clock. *WHOCK*

Envoy catches up, and asks, "Do you need the doctor to look at your head, Fenter?"

The door to the base of the clock tower is just to one side of the spot that Fenter has blessed with the impact of his crown. A sign reads, in several languages, "Keep out!"

Roho yikes, scampering up to the Rath'ani, "My word, sir, that sounded like some bump. Envoy, is he conscious?"

"What… head?" Fenter responds. He staggers back tumbles down to the ground.

"Reasonably conscious, I'd say," Envoy says.

The raccoon smiles goofily, his eyes staring at no place in particular. "Grampy said that I don't have a conscious… ohhh… stars."

Roho crouches beside Fenter, "Hmm, I'm thinking maybe Grampy was right." He bustles, regardless of whether the raccoon wants the help or not, "Envoy, are his pupils wide?"

Envoy pats the mage's shoulder. "Maybe he meant conscience, Fenter." To Roho she says, "Well, they're always a little wide… "

Roho nods, "Hm. Well, any moreso than normal?"

"Some of my pupils are wide… but normally they send me the skinny ones." Fenter hiccups. He reaches up to try and pull his hat off.

Envoy moves her hand up and down in front of Fenter's face, to see if his pupils dilate.

Fenter batbats at Envoy's hands. "Stop that… and help me get my hat off, it's stuck!"

Roho chuckles as Fenter comes to his senses, at least as much as he ever is, "Okay, I think you'll maybe live." He tugs at the mage's hat.

Envoy tries to loosen the hat where it clings to Fenter's head. "Don't you have a spell to make your head shrink a little?"

"Ow! No… I'm a chaos mage. We make things blow up or give people good luck charms. Besides, a ritual would take me several hours." His hat finally pops off his head… revealing a slightly cracked but still fairly whole ceramic bowl stuck to the top of his head.

Envoy taps on the top of the bowl.

Fenter puts his hands on the bowl and pulls. "NNNNGH! Times like this I wish I had some Naga oil… " He squints at the clock tower. "Maybe if I run into the wall again really hard I can break it off!"

"Probably," Envoy agrees.

Roho umms, "That might not be such a great idea." He shrugs, "But, you seem like a big boy, so you can decide for yourself whether you want to run headfirst into a wall!"

Envoy says, "Well, bowl-first in this case… "

The raccoon windmills his arms around as he staggers up on his feet and then aims his head at the clock tower again… this time he seems to be pointed towards the door. "You know… you two are some of the most easygoing folks I've ever saved the world with. This is a refreshing change!" And with that he charges full speed towards the tower door.

WHAM! The Chaos mage's head collides soundly with the door… but it holds firm. The raccoon on the other hand takes a couple of steps back, brushes himself off… and then falls facefirst on the ground. His tail points straight up.

Envoy blinks, and tells Roho, "He missed the wall."

"Mrul nhmbr mhifheen… " the raccoon mumbles. His tail starts to slowly droop down to the ground.

The Exile checks the condition of the bowl. "And I don't think he's conscious now… "

The bowl seems still firmly affixed to the raccoon's head and only slightly chipped. Fenter will probably have to run into the wall several more times before he can break it off.

There are several chittering noises from the alley around the fennec, Exile and raccoon. It's getting darker here, as the sun slowly descends. Little pairs of red eyes glitter from beneath heaps of trash.

Through the darkness can be heard ominous laughter. "Bwahahahahahaaa! My minionth! ATTACK!"

A swarm of vermites descends upon the threesome from the trash heaps! The world seems to swirl about in squirming, red-eyed confusion!

Envoy calls out, "Wait! Fenter's not awake yet… to appreciate and be respectively terrorized by it!"

Fenter smiles googly-eyed during the whole thing. Apparently he's most comfortable in confusion.

An ominous voice says, "Oh. I didn't think of that. Minionth! BACK!" And the red-eyed vermites quickly scamper away into every available nook and cranny, quickly clearing the alley.

Envoy really wants to find out how Wyckyd does that vermite trick someday. "Thanks!"

"Buh" comes Fenter's reply. Rather impertenant actually, he doesn't sound the least bit grateful; but it is rather hard to tell with just one syllable.

"Don't menthion it," says an ominous, seemingly disembodied voice. "Now then, begone! You awe not to entew my thecwet bathe! It ith laden with all mannewth of death twapth fowah the unwawy and thoopid!"

Envoy blinks, "Bath? You aren't bathing in Xocholatl, are you?"

Roho still just looks unsure of where to go. For the moment, he seems to decide on listening quietly unnoticed.

The ominous voice sounds distinctly agitated. "Do not mock me! BATHE! My bathe of OPEWATHIONTH!"

"Could someome please get this bowl off of my head!" the Chaos mage suddenly yells out. "I don't want to save the world with an awful case of bowl-hair."

Envoy blinks a few times, then understands. "Oh. Your base of operations, as in a secret headquarters and not a surgery."

Roho shifts his feet, "Um. Yeah." He starts rooting through his bag, looking for anything slick.

"Yeth," says the ominous voice. "Now, pawdon me. I have to get back to my mathtew plan to take ovew the wowald. Bwahahahahahaa!"

The Exile checks on Fenter again before asking, "Now that the clock is working again though, doesn't the tolling of the bells bother you?"

The ominous voice doesn't answer this time. He must be busy taking over the world.

"Would you mind terribly leaving the door unlocked when you do?" Fenter shouts out after the bat. "Oh phoo… he must be challenging me."

Envoy observes, "Wyckyd didn't go through the door, so there must be a safer entrance that he uses. Not that I mean to discourage you from trying this door here."

The Chaos mage continues tugging at the bowl. "I'm not allowed to go that way."

Roho fights down a temptation to use his staff as a lever for getting the bowl off.

Envoy asks, "Because of the sign on the door that says 'Keep Out'?"

Reaching for the bowl, the Exile tries to see if it will twist off.

Fenter taps his nose. "Let's see. I remember hearing that things expand with heat… so maybe we could build a big bonfire and I could stick my head in the middle of it and get the bowl off that way!" He turns to the Aeolun, "Oh no… that's the door I'm supposed to take. I'm just not allowed to take the shortcut."

The raccoon owOWowOWows, flailing his arms around. The bowl does move ever so slightly though, it looks like the sweat or oil from the raccoon's head has helped a bit.

Envoy hmms, and stops twisting. "I could hit it with a brick or something… "

There ARE quite a few bricks laying about. And assorted debris and trash.

Roho shakes his head, and assists Envoy in the twisting, "I think this may be the best way. Our friend here will just have to bear with a little pulled fur."

Envoy smiles, "You're the doctor," and drops the chunk of brick she had picked up.

Roho grins toothily, "Smashing will be the backup plan."

The bowl's tenacious cling to the raccoon's head is no match for the onslaught of the Zerda, the Aeolun, and Fenter's wild thrashings in protest. After one good pull there's a soft POP and the bowl comes free!

Envoy hmms. "You know, we could have left it on to see if it would create a new fashion sensation. There's precedent… "

Fenter tumbles backwards, clutching his head. "Here now! Nobody hits my head except me! Well… and Grampy." He goes scrambling for his hat. "I've dealt with fashion already. It bit my fingers."

Envoy looks over the door that Fenter bounced off of earlier.

The door is fashioned of solid wood, with a wooden turn-latch in lieu of a doorknob. (Someone might steal the doorknob, after all.)

The raccoon dusts himself off. "Well, I suppose it's secret lair time. Are you ready to face life and limb?" He hops towards the door and gives it a kick.

The door withstands the kick. It is quite solid in construction.

Envoy reaches past Fenter to try the door latch.

"Oh RIGHT… like he'd just have it so you could open the door as easy as that." The racoon sidesteps to give the Aeolun room.

The door latch opens without any fuss. How anticlimactic. A dark room is beyond, with the dim light filtering in to reveal a staircase winding upward through the tower, around its mechanical innards.

Envoy smiles and shrugs to the Rath'ani.

Two little red eyes blink inside the bell tower's base, then vanish.

The Chaos mage sticks out his tongue. "Just lucky… but of course, you ARE my sidekick!" Fenter takes Envoy's hand and moves inside the door. "Er… can you see in the dark?"

Envoy says, "I can with the help of a candle. Roho's better at getting around in the dark though."

Fenter hmms. He presses his tailtip into Envoy's hands. "Just hold onto this. Don't yank on it, and let go of it if I tell you to. C'mon." And with that he enters the tower.

The base of the tower is mostly empty, save for a few scattered pebbles and minor bits of debris. Such as the occasional hollow xocholatl candy that crunches underfoot, and provides a handy little trail right up the stairs.

The raccoon pauses ever so often to pick up one of the xocholatl husks and deposit it in the recesses of his pocket. "Missus Envoy, if you hear a death trap or anything like that… be sure and let me know." he starts towards the stairs.

Envoy says, "Okay. I'll just scream or something to let you know."

A few vermites skitter along a wooden shelf, pushing a cheap-looking vase toward the edge, to a point that Fenter's head will pass under in just a moment. A red mark on the step says, "Warning. Death trap. Don't stand here. You have been warned."

The Exile hmmms at the clues, and tugs on Fenter's tail.

Amazingly, Fenter doesn't seem to notice the vase or the markings. "It's awfully quiet in heEEYOW!" He stops short just before the point on the step.

Envoy says, "I think I've found a death-trap."

A vase crashes against the step right in front of Fenter. Marbles spill out of the fractured vase, rolling down the steps and off the side.

"Really? Where?" The raccoon starts looking around.

Envoy just points to the broken vase on the steps. "You… might slip on those marbles."

Fenter's gaze shoots down. "Yipe! Hmm… you'd think Wyckyd would be more careful." He sweeps his foot across the step and tries to clear it away. "You should consider the sidekick business seriously sometime, Envoy… the rules are pretty easy to learn."

Envoy asks, "What happened to your previous sidekick?"

The raccoon continues up the stairway. "Well… I've never had one. There was Meow but I don't know what ever became of him."

"I'll consider it then," Envoy says, while keeping an eye out for more telltale warnings.

As Fenter continues upward, he is narrowly missed by a couple more vases, a lit Guy Fox doll, a small anvil, an Eep, and an entire set of the Encyclopedia Sinaica (albiet out of date, and partially chewed on by vermites). At last, the hero and his sidekick make it to the top of the stairs. At the end, there is a door that reads, "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. This means you."

The raccoon politely knocks on the door. "HelOOOoooooh!"

A voice on the other side of the door says, "Go away! You cannot thtop me now! If you twy, you thall be dethtwoyed! Bwahahahahahahaa!"

Envoy whispers to Fenter, "Who would he let in?"

Fenter folds his arms and glances back at Envoy. "He tells us to go away but he doesn't even have the decency to write 'keep out' on this door. Hmph." He scratches his head. "Let in? Er… I'm not sure. We could ask him, and you really shouldn't bother whispering, he IS an Eee after all."

Envoy ohs, and whispers in Vykarin then, "What about now?"

The raccoon gives Envoy a poke. "Oh… don't be so sneaky. Heros aren't supposed to be sneaky unless they have the bejabbers scared out of them. Onward and tally ho and all that." Fenter reaches out and wiggles the latch on the door.

The latch refuses to turn enough to open the door.

Perhaps this WILL be a bit tougher than the front door.

"Well piffle." Fenter taps his nose. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a chunk of the chocolate he's been stockpiling and pops it into his mouth. "Mmmph. Maybe we will need to trick him."

Envoy asks, "Does he have any friends or people he'd be glad to see then?"

The Chaos Mage scratches the back of his head. "There's the vermites, but they can probably go in and out as they please… I remember he had me come up with a present for someone named Ambergris once."

"But not anyone you've actually met?" Envoy asks.

"Er… there's my lawyer. I'm rather suprised he didn't try to sue me for the whole soap incident." The raccoon coughs. "He was a garter Naga and was Wyckyd's lackey for a while. Hmm… maybe I'd be better off banging my head into the door a few times."

Envoy frowns a bit, then knocks on the door and pipes, "Candygram!" in a chirpy, Kujaku-ish voice.

"I have enough, thank you!" comes a voice from the other side. "Bwahahahahahaa!"

Fenter's eyes brighten. "My lawyer! That's it! I have an idea… " He knocks on the door again. "Hey Wyckyd… I bet you can't guess how I'm going to break in there and foil your plan!"

There's a pause on the other side, and then a voice says, "Ahhh … you will battew youwthelf thenthelethth twying to knock it down?"

"I did that once already. Remeber rule number two?" The raccoon answers.

"Oh yeth. Well, how about you twy tuwning the latch the OTHEW diwection? Why would I lock you out, when I have tho many dathtawdly twapth waiting fowah you inthide?" says the voice from the other side.

Envoy blinks. There are rules for this?

Fenter looks back at Envoy and then looks down at the latch. He reaches out and twists the latch in the opposite direction.

*click* The door pops open.

Envoy shrugs and smiles again.

Another dark room awaits inside, though this one has slightly better lighting, via windows badly in need of cleaning. The distinctive silhouette of a bat's head is outlined in the light of the aforementioned window across the room.

"I HAVE YOU NOW!!" Fenter yells out and makes a flying leap towards the silhouette.

Envoy lets go of Fenter's tail quickly!

"Bwahahahahaha! You have gone too faw now, my awch-nemethith! Thith ith youwah undoing, fowah you thall not ovewcome my mathtewplan thith time!" says the voice – but it's cut off as Fenter crashes into the dark bat. There's a crunching noise, as the bat crumples under the weight of the raccoon! Ouch! That's GOT to hurt!

The room is heavy with the smell of chocolate.

Or, that is, xocholatl.

The Aeolun turns her head to see what else might be in the room, and to try and locate the source of Wyckyd's voice.

"Oh dear… I broke him! I broke my Arch-Nemesis!" He reaches out and tries to gather up the pieces.

Pieces of chocolate are all that remains of the fearsome Wyckyd. Well, frankly, the largest fragments of the bat that can be seen in the dim light look fairly feminine.

A chocolate visage of a female Eeee gazes up at Envoy. It looks startlingly like the former ambassador to Rephidim from Babel!

"I never knew! His voice was so deep… " Fenter takes a moment to quietly lament the passing of his Nemesis; and then starts to gobble down the chocolate as fast as he can cram it into his mouth.

Envoy blinks and steps back at the sight of the other sculpture. "Brishen! You've dipped Brishen in Xocholatl!"

From somewhere in the darkness, a voice rumbles, "Bwahahahahahaaa! You have no chanthe of thwawting my planth!" There is a pause, then, "Want to heaw what they awe? I know the thuthpenthe hath to be killing you. Oh, wait, I have to thpwing my twap of doom fiwtht. I'm getting wuthty in my old age."

Envoy looks back towards the door… but realizes the trap of doom can't be lethal, if Wyckyd intends to explain his plans AFTER it's sprung.

The raccoon licks bits of Xocholatl from his fingers. "You know, Ambergris won't be pleased to know about you inviting other ladies in here… "

"Bah! Don't you dawe twy that! That'th no faiw! No meththing with the awch-villian'th pewthonal life! That'th not vewy hewoic! I'll have to get a new awch-nemethith," balks the disembodied voice.

Envoy steps back up to the surviving statue, and pokes it in the shoulder.

Another chocolate statue of Brishen breaks, revealing itself to be hollow. There are several posed about the room. Well, actually, they're all in the exact same pose.

Fenter brushes some crumbs off of his robe. "Oh alright. I'll keep quiet… now let's get to the death trap and explaining the big plan part. You know how much I like the big climax."

One of the statues in the shadows seems to have eyes that glow red. Quite an eerie effect in a chocolate statue, really.

Envoy pretends not do notice the glowing eyes. It's not that hard, really, since she's still a bit stunned by the Xocholatl clones.

"Well, it'th taking a bit longew than it thould. I had to take a while to heat up a new batch of thocholatl when you came up. You thould have taken a little longew. Ah! Okay. Now, then … ah … could you thtep ovew that way a little fiwtht? Clothew to the window." The floor descends a level in the indicated direction.

"Happy to oblige!" Fenter grins and skips over to the indicated spot.

There's a click and a *SPROING* as some large brown something-or-others shoot out from a concealed spot, and wrap around Fenter. Why … they're chains fashioned of dark xocholatl! How DEVIOUS!

The raccoon peers at the chains. "This is the part where I shout 'you fiend', right? Or is that after your speech?"

Figuring it isn't the sidekick's place to walk into the traps of doom, Envoy stays where she is.

"Now," says the disembodied voice, "revenge ith twuly THWEET! BWAHAHAHAHAAA! Fowah I thall BUWY you in molten xocholatl, tuwning you into a fuwwy confection!" A vat of molten xocholatl slowly tips, pouring xocholatl into the vat that Fenter stands in, at a leisurely pace. (Actually, he'd have to lay down to be buried in the stuff, but perhaps having his feet covered in chocolate would be enough to kill him. Or at least make him really uncomfortable.)

The dastardly vampire bat says, "My plan ith FOOLPWOOF! I awwanged to thteal a mold of a thtatue of the fowmew ambaththador to Wephidim, cweated by the Mathtew Thocholatiew, befowe it could be bwoken. And now, I thall cweate thevewal thocholatl thtatueth of Ambaththadow Kawa, thending them to headth of thtate all ovew the wowald! Little do they know that inthide each thtatue will be an awmy of my loyal minionth, weady to buwtht fowath and take OVEW the WOWALD!"

"… and they can nibble on the inthide of the thtatueth, if they get hungwy on the way," the nasty bat adds as an aside.

"And then … I … WYCKYD … thall be the WULEW of the WOWALD!" cackles the vampire bat. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"

Envoy asks, "How do you get them inside after the Xocholatl has hardened?"

The Chaos mage sniffs at his chains and gives the closest one an experimental lick. "Vermites on sugar highs, Very diabolical… er… I mean… YOU FIEND!! You'll never get away with it!"

Molten xocholatl starts to spread across the base of the shallow vat, reaching for the toes of the bound chaos mage. Actually, the chains are pretty tasty. Eating them could spoil Fenter's dinner for the rest of this life.

Wyckyd asides, "Well, they have a HOLE in them, of couwthe, hewe and thewe. My vewmiteth have to BWEATHE, aftew all!"

"Um… Wyckyd. I really need to ask you something rather personal about this whole thing." Fenter continues eyeing his chains and pauses to nibble on a piece of one.

"Like what?" asks Wyckyd.

The raccoon keeps munching away. "Mmmph. Well, how fattening is this stuff? I mean… you've HAD to have sampled a bit here and there. Have you gained much weight during this whole operation?"

"And make it thnappy. I have to head off and leave you alone hewe while I cawwy out my mathtew plan, confident that you will die a howwible death and that youw thidekick will thtand awound in panic, helpleththly. And … HOW DAWE YOU! I hate thocholatl! I only eat the cweamy thentew! And don't talk with youw mouth full!" exclaims the dastardly Lord of Vermites.

Envoy pokes at another of the Brishen statues, knocking it over.

Fenter takes a large bite and tries to swallow the mass down whole. "Urgh. Oh… don't get all upset. I was just asking. You wouldn;t happen to have any milk, would you? This is really making my mouth dry."

"Milk? Aw, do I have to think of EVEWYTHING? Yeth, I have some milk. Thtay wight thewe." There are sounds of footsteps and scuffling.

"Get OUT of thewe, you FOOLTH!" cries out Wyckyd at someone. "I HATE it when you dwown youwthelveth in the MILK! Bah!" A pair of red glowing eyes reappear, accompanied by a glass of milk. "Hewe you go. Can youw thidekick hold it fow you? I have mathtew planth and othew thtuff to get to, and I've alweady made my big thpeech."

Envoy blinks at the glass of milk, looking to see if has a drowned vermite in it.

"That should be fine. Thank you Mister Wyckyd." He munches on his chains a bit more. "Envoy, would you mind taking the glass from the evil fellow and bringing it over here for me?"

The glass of milk is free of any visible vermites, for all the comfort that gives.

Wyckyd sticks the glass of milk in Envoy's hand and gives her a light push in the general direction of Fenter. "Now, I'll get back to my wowk." He disappears into the shadows again.

Envoy wanders over to Fenter's vat, and holds out the milk. "Are you sure you want to drink this stuff?"

The level of molten chocolate has gotten high enough to start oozing over Fenter's toes. Thankfully, though, it cools quickly enough not to cause any real harm. At least, Fenter isn't screaming like a grandmother.

"Oh… Wyckyd wouldn't try and poison me. That's silly to have two deathtraps in one. Now just let me have a slurp now and again while I chew my way free, alright?" His eyes pop open as the chocolate touches his toes… but then the raccoon's face starts to look content. "You know, it feels rather nice… like sticking your toes in warm mud and… " He shakes his head. "No! I must resist! I must fight it!" He takes another big bite out of his chains and then turns to look at Envoy's glass.

Envoy tilts the glass to Fenter's lips.

Fenter takes a gulp, vermite hairs and all, and continues trying to free himself from his chocolaty prison.

With heroic effort (and much consumption of sweets), Fenter at last breaks free of the chains of xocholatl!

"What now?" asks his sidekick.

Fenter wobbles on his feet. "Now? Er… we… um… " He looks around, his eyes cycling from red to orange. "Now we DESTROY the tools of Wyckyd's nefarious plot! And we make sure he can never use them again!" Fenter demonstrates this by walking over to the closest statue and taking a large bite out of it.

Envoy drops the glass into the vat, and looks around for the mold. If this is where Wyckyd pours the Xocholatl, then it should be nearby…

The statue is no match for Fenter, and crumbles at his assault.

It's really dark in here, and hard to find one's way around. There are many crates, each of them large enough to hold a life-sized xocholatl statue of Ambassador Brishen Kara in a dramatic pose, plus packing (and vermites).

The raccoon continues munching away, he takes a bite out of an arm here, a leg there. What he can't eat gets stuffed into his pockets. Finally he walks over to one of the few remaining statues, leaps upon it and tries to take a bite out of its head.

"OW!" shrieks the "statue". "That'th my EAW!" shrieks Wyckyd, as he stumbles away from his worktable, upon which lies the mold used to make his xocholatl statues.

Envoy ahas, and heads for the worktable while trying not slip on the all the bits of broken confectionary on the floor.

The Lord of Vermites is quite distracted by the Rath'ani biting his ear, and can't stop the Exile from reaching the worktable.

"My NOSE!!! AIEEE!" Fenter tumbles back, a large fuzzy vermite clings to his nose. "Owowowowow!"

"MY TOUPEE!" shrieks the bald vampire bat, as he grabs for the particularly fuzzy vermite that clings to Fenter's nose.

Envoy reaches the worktable and starts dragging the pieces of the baked-clay mold onto the floor.

The raccoon swats at the creature clinging to his nose. "Well TAKE the blasted thing! Sit! Heel! Gaaaah… and I always thought my nose was the cutest part of my face."

Stomping on the mold until it's beyond repair, Envoy nearly loses her composure at the sight of a bald Eeee.

Wyckyd hastily puts his toupee-vermite back on his head, then turns in time to see Envoy stomping the mold. "AIEEEEEEE! My mathtew plan ith wuined! And by a mewe THIDEKICK! AIEEEEEEE! You thall PAY fowah thith! I thall thet my ultimate weapon of thocholatl dethwuction upon you! Behold the wwath of … THOCHOLAKTH!" Wyckyd rushes over to the wall and pulls a lever. Several vermite squeaks can be heard, as a wooden panel slides aside to reveal … a gargantuan creature … a warrior … fashioned of … XOCHOLATL! Little beady red eyes can be seen peering out from joints here and there, as the xocholatl warrior strides forth, intent upon destruction, armed with a mighty brown mallet on each hand.

Envoy just gapes at this. It must be a sort of Titanian design.

Fenter keeps his hand cupped over his nose. "Abfder dis… I doat dink I'll ever be able to ead chocolade again… " He staggers back a bit, lest chocolate death overtake him, or something like that.

The vermite squeaks almost seem to be laughing as the machine of xocholatl doom approaches Fenter and Envoy. "Behold! Thocholakth will THMITE you! Oh yeth. Don't eat the Thocholakth. It'th jutht fowah lookth."

Moving quickly, Envoy stands behind Wyckyd, figuring that would be the safest place.

Wyckyd says, "No faiw! Get ovew by the hewo! Ow awe you defecting to the thide of evil? No faking allowed. It'th againtht the wuleth. Been done too many timeth alweady."

"Wyckyd… do you think you could have it hold still for a little bit. I'd like to try casting something here." The Chaos Mage's tail twitches.

"Uh … thuwe. Okay. Magic would be good. But it had bettew be good!" The chocolate golem comes to a halt, though it still squeaks from the inside.

Envoy blinks, "Oh… umm… I guess it's against the rules for the good guys to attack, right?"

Wyckyd says, "Hmm. Uh … let me check." He flips through a well-worn pamphlet that he pulls out of a pocket.

Wyckyd says, "Well, Wule Numbew One guawanteeth me a chanthe to give a thpeech fiwtht, but I've alweady done that. Let'th thee… "

"I think that falls under rule number fifteen, Wyckyd. But that already happened as well." Fenter says, spilling some power on the floor in a clumsy circle and then stepping inside of it. "Behold! The mighty power of chaos… now… this is going to take awhile, you know how magic is here on Rephidim."

The Aeolun goes to get a better look at the 'golem' while Wyckyd reads up on the rules. "It was a very good speech. For an evil one."

Wyckyd nods solemnly. "Yeth, I've gotten a chanthe to thpwing thevewal death twapth tonight. Not bad, all in all. Hmm. It'th getting dawk outthide. You going to light any candleth?"

The raccoon begins chanting to himself and dancing slowly. "Candles would be good, yeah… just do it quietly."

The "golem" is constructed of some sort of xocholatl, though it looks to be of a darker color than the stuff that Wyckyd has been throwing at Fenter so far, or making the statues out of. There are hints of some sort of wooden framework inside, and lots of vermites, and possibly a few wheels and gears.

Wyckyd scrounges up some candles – black candles, that is – and sets them up in a perimeter around Fenter. "Youw thidekick can light them fow you. I'm jutht taunting you."

Unfortunately Fenter is a bit too caught up in his ritual now to respond. His chanting becomes louder and the tempo of his dancing increases by several beats. It's a rather entertaining show actually…

Wyckyd snaps his fingers in time to the performance, despite himself.

Envoy pulls out her flint and goes to light the candles for Fenter.

A few hours later, Wyckyd stirs himself out of a light doze, as Fenter's spell finally winds into completion.

The Chaos Mage spins on his heel and holds out his hand. In it is a small glowing bubble, a held spell. "Woohoo! All done."

Envoy puts done the xocholatl ear she was nibbling on, and watches curiously.

"Okay," says Wyckyd. "What doeth it do? Of couwthe, you awe thtill no match fowah the gweat and mighty WYCKYD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"

"Start your machine of doom up again, I'll show you." Fenter grins at Envoy, "I've been practicing!"

Envoy cheers, "Go Fenter!"

"Okay," says Wyckyd, cackling menacingly. "Thocholakth! ATTACK!" The dark xocholatl-thing lumbers toward the mage 'coon.

Wyckyd asides to Envoy, "How about a thcweam of tewwow?"

"Since you're new to thise sidekick thing I'll talk you through this part, Envoy." Fenter jumps off to the side. "It's rather anticlimactic to let the baddie kill you instantly at the beginning of everything… and it's just as anticlimactic to foil the evil plan all at once at the beginning." He ducks under a flailing hammer. "You should always let your opponent whack you a few times or get some near-hits in at least. But when that part's over and done with… "

Envoy nods, and gives a Chi Marie stage-scream, then goes back to listening to Fenter.

The Thocholakth Golem whacks into a few already-broken Brishen statues, and knocks over some crates, swinging wildly at Fenter with its "hammer hands". Wyckyd smiles, looking pleased at Envoy's scream, then hunches over as he roots for his creation, pantomiming punches to the left and right.

The raccoon tumbles in front of the chocolate death machine and presents a rather easy target for one of the mallets to whack. "When you're done with that and both sides have gotten some measure of satisfaction and proper dramatics… THEN you can wpring your ultimate weapon!" And with that Fenter holds out his hand containing the ritual-bubble and slaps his other hand on top of it! "Better living through chaos!" he yells.

Wyckyd cries out in anguish as … well … there's a most curious sound from within the golem. It sounds like a multitude of vermites burping simultaneously.

"Um… and after that." Fenter jups up and grab's Envoy's hand. "You run like the dickens before it blows you to kingdom come when it explodes!"

Envoy blinks in surprise. She didn't think vermites could get indigestion, but there's no time to really be sure as Fenter drags her about.

Various burping sounds emit from the golem. "Aftew them!" shouts Wyckyd. "CWUTHH THEM! I COMMAND YOU!" *squeak* *urp* *eep* *bip*

The Chaos mage makes a rush for the door and tries to get out of the clock tower as fast as he can manage.

Outside of the tower … Fenter and his trusty sidekick, Envoy, have made it to SAFETY!

Up in the clock tower … well … hard to tell. It hasn't blown up yet.

Envoy asks, "Won't people be upset if the clock tower actually explodes?"

Wyckyd's voice can be heard from the tower, shrieking, "I TOLD you NOT to eat the Thocholakth! NOW look what you've DONE!" He angrily flings several chunks of broken choco-golem out the window. "Cuwtheth! Foiled again!"

"Hmm? Oh… I wasn't trying to explode the TOWER, I was trying to explode the vermites." Fenter coughs and shouts up into the tower. "Three Thieves… rule seventeen!"

A few blocks of dark xocholatl rain down, shattering against the cobbles, or landing on the trash piles.

Envoy asks, "I don't suppose I could see these rules sometime? They might help me be a better sidekick."

"I have them memorized. Shall we go to the Three Thieves and enjoy our victory, my dear? Rule seventeen… the loser buys the winner's first round," says Fenter.

Envoy says, "Oh, okay. I guess that's a good rule to have… "

Along the way, the Aeolun quietly asks, "So, how long has he been bald like that?"

---

GMed by Greywolf

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Today is 14 days after Candlemass, Year 29 of the Reign of Archelaus the First (6128)