This early in the morning, the bar is unattended. Remiel proves adept at accessing the wine and liquor cabinets, however, and so Tasha has had a small sampling of wines (which all come in tiny single-serving bottles for some reason).

After an abortive attempt to sip, Tasha eyes her wine glass with an air of dubiousness. She'd been trying to manage that 'knobby-style' sipping Gabriel does to appear classier, without success. "I'm glad to have met men like you," she says. "I'm not sure what I did to deserve it, but I am. And, I'm sorry for how I treated Neesa. One way or another, I seem to have trouble with relationships!" The wine glass is raised again, but she ends up getting a little on her nose, which she licks off.

"And you don't seem to always get on well with other women," Caravelli notes. "But at least you didn't growl," he jokes. He's managed to create some sort of 'fortified' coffee beverage with the available supplies and tools.

"There's that, too." Tasha puts her glass aside, gazing out across the red, barren wasteland beyond Tartarus. "I'm worried about Gabriel. He's having difficulty accepting the incarnate PersoComs, and between what you've told me, and … a wise woman I spoke with, I wonder if it was a mistake for me to push him in to command this quickly. I've also realized I'm deeply uncomfortable with the punishment he levied on me over revealing the incarnate PersoComs, but I don't dare tell him – not while he's suffering like this. Not when he's doubting himself."

Caravelli gets a bit of a faraway look for a moment. "Punishment… the walk of shame? That's actually just a crew-bonding exercise. We all did that… "

"It is?" Tasha glances back, a frown crossing her muzzle. "You all walked through the ship naked? Was this a Karnor Elite exercise, or did humans do it too?" Her ears flatten and her head shakes. "For me, it was like being passed around all over again. I didn't feel it at first, but the more I think about it, the more degrading it feels. These are men I'm trying to get the respect of, men who haven't seen a Karnor woman in months. I'm not sure if that was an appropriate thing to do."

The doctor grins, and asks, "You've never been through any actual military training, have you Tasha? The first third of it is all about breaking you down and degrading you. Then comes the building up, as part of a team. Basic indoctrination techniques."

Tasha raises an eyebrow. "Gabriel's trying to break me down and indoctrinate me? Are you sure he wasn't degrading me just to get me to agree that the incarnate PersoComs aren't people?"

"No, the punishment part would be for exposing the crew without really asking them about it," Caravelli says. "In that regard… the walk was meant to make you feel just as suddenly exposed and vulnerable, and show that it's the pack that protects one another."

Tasha takes a moment to digest that, turning back to stare out the window as she tries taking another sip. This time she manages it, but is too distracted to notice. "I guess I can understand that, and I'm relieved Gabriel wasn't trying to degrade me to get me to go along with his ideas. He wouldn't have been the first, and that would have worried me a great deal. To be honest, I didn't feel exposed, so much as I felt my work with those men slipping away. But they didn't seem to mind, so maybe I shouldn't either. If they can still talk to me like they did, I think I can let it go."

"I'm sure it made you more 'one of them' than 'I want a piece of that' material," Remiel says, sipping his coffee. "Now the part about Gabe not wanting to think of the projections as real… I think I can understand. The implications are frightening."

"It would mean he would have to face – or has faced – the remnants of a crew he believes he let down, including Nora Argentine, who, because she took command when he lost his will to go on, died to MOTHER's trap," Tasha agrees, still watching the sky as she settles back, glass in hand.

"Well, Gabriel's been second guessing himself ever since he joined the Expedition," Remiel notes, having another sip. "Never sure that he settled everything in his life, I imagine, before joining up."

"And wondering if his brother wouldn't have been a better choice?" Tasha glances over, ears perking. "It's sad to say I know so little about him. For all we've done together, maybe I don't understand him at all."

"He's an older man, we're like that," Caravelli points out. "The amount of things I haven't told Neesa is staggering."

"Oh?" Tasha leans forward interestedly as she sips.

"Yup," Remiel says, and sips his spiked coffee. "They have good coffee on this boat."

Tasha barks a laugh and leans back. "It was worth a try," she insists. After another sip, she offers, "I'd like to meet Neesa. Again, that is, now that I'm calm and can look out at the sky. The last thing I want to be is trouble for us all, and I'd like to try and work this out. And, you are returning to us, aren't you?"

"Neesa is a bit shy," Remiel notes. "She's the only Dream Mage on Abaddon. I think she was brought along to try and communicate with others on Sinai somehow, but it was a bit much for her."

"I can sympathize with coming to a strange planet with a task that seems too much for you," Tasha offers, chuckling. She breathes a sigh, shaking her head and looking out at the clouds. "If you don't think she'd like to sit and talk today, then maybe another day. I was thinking of asking her to see the ship, that maybe she could join us as a Guild liaison, which would be good for you, too." "Not sure what you mean by returning though," Caravelli says. "Are you offering me a position or something?"

Tasha pauses at the question, turning and studying the man's face a moment before replying, "You have your double's memories, so you must know what we're trying to do here. There's worlds to explore, and new life forms to find, and we could use a great doctor. So, yes, I'm asking if you'll join us, again." She smiles.

"Hmmm," Remiel ponders, looking out over the alien landscape. "I'll think about it. I mean, I'm already here, as it were."

"I guess that means the tour and offer to act as a liaison is moot, at least for now." The young woman is quiet for a moment, sipping and turning back to study the sky, before saying, "I'd like to talk like this again, even if you chose not to join the JEF."

"I don't know how long I'll be in the Pit, but I'm sure I'll be available," Remiel says with a grin. "Just don't make Neesa jealous."

"Oh, don't worry about me! I have my man, and he's enough trouble without having to fight over another one," the half-Vartan insists, cackling. She winks, then leans her glass over to clink against his. "I promise," she insists, saluting with her free hand before asking,  "Did you ever wonder why, I never showed interest in you or Doctor Zerachiel?"

"Because we aren't dashing heroic space captains?" Remiel suggests.

"That was part of it," Tasha admits, grinning. "Not not all of it. To be very honest, I was intimidated. I didn't think I had a thing in common with either of you, and I was afraid if I spoke with you at length, I'd just reveal how little I knew, and have to endure feeling inadequate. Gabriel, as far from my time and world as he was, was someone and something familiar."

"Because he was a captain, yes… like an airship captain," Remiel notes. "Captains aren't that different, I suppose. Just the boat is."

"That seems to be the case. Not that I considered myself Gabriel's equal, and I still don't, whatever he insists to me, but he was and is a captain, and captains I know." Smiling, Tasha drains the last of her wine, and sets the glass on a nearby table after sitting up. "His meal is about ready, so I'd best go get it before it gets cold. It was nice talking to you; maybe we can talk more on the Ajax? Just don't bring Neesa by when I'm in Melchior – we don't want to scare her!"

"Since you're boarding the Ajax with it, I don't think it can be avoided," Remiel notes, holding his mug up. "But we should visit before leaving. I have to check on my patients, after all. I imagine Eli is working himself to death."

Tasha rises, stretching her arms over her head and her wings out. "Both himselves to death," she says as her hands fall back to her side. "When you're ready to stop by, just come abroad – I'll make sure the guards and the others know you'll be coming."

"See you around then, Tash," Remiel says, standing up as well. "I've got to go let the mages poke at me some more now. They'll want to meet the 'other' me sometime too."

"Well, he's a nice man – just like who he's copied from!" Tasha gives the Karnor a big smile, then, shrugging, steps forward to offer him a hug. "I am thankful to see you smile, Remy. Whatever you do, or whoever you chose to be with, I'll always be glad that you're happy."

The Karnor hugs back carefully (he's got that mug of hot whatever still). "Be gentle with Gabe, okay?"

Tasha leans back, giving a wry smile. "I'll do my best. If that's not good enough, I'll learn," she promises. Then, after offering a less burdened smile, she turns and heads out, waving a hand as she goes.

The steak and eggs are ready when Tasha makes it back to the galley. Aaron is still there, watching some sort of game involving rolling what looks like a cannonball into a bunch of metal bottles.

Eying the game as she goes, Tasha gathers the meal at the counter, placing it all on a stacked serving tray with a cover over it. With her mate's meal in hand, she swings by Aaron's table and says, "I'm back from the Ajax."

"And what did you think of their wine selection?" the Lapi asks after getting a sniff of Tasha's breath. He's smiling when he says it though.

"I think I might have a taste for wine, but it'll be a while before I feel comfortable sipping out of a fluted glass," the young woman replies, grinning back. "I'm just about to head back. to the ship and give my big wolf his breakfast."

"So that's what you call it?" Aaron asks, waggling his eyebrows. "Oh wait, you have an actual breakfast there. Ignore my comment," he says, although of course he saw it the covered dish from the beginning.

Tasha cocks her head to the side, regarding the Lapi with a mock-dubious look before putting a hand on her hip. "Oh, you mean dessert," she insists after a moment, then laughs and reaches down to muss his hair up.

"Ack! Why do you always go for the hair?" Aaron complains.

"Would you prefer the ears?" The half-Vartan asks. She takes a moment to try and smooth the man's hair out, then thumbs the door. "Breakfast is getting cold! See you on the Ajax in a few days? I'll be training up until then."

"Okay, you know where to find me if you need me," Aaron says. Then blinks. "Actually you don't know, but it'll be up with the delegates somewhere. Even if I have to crash with Miss Stick Up Her Butt Spotty."

"Or I could go back to the airship too, I suppose," he adds melodramatically. As if sleeping on an airship that wasn't actually moving was some horrible experience.

"Roger that," Tasha confirms with a nod. "And don't be too hard on her; anyone who helped raise a man like that deserves some credit." She then eyes him and his melodramatics, head shaking. "What's wrong with airships? Personally, I don't see how all you people can sleep on stable ground!"

"I live on Rephidim; ground that moves! But still ground," Aaron notes. "Have fun; I almost have this game figured out now."

"Explain it to me later, I'm curious about it too! Have to learn the culture, after all!" Tasha taps the side of her head with a free hand, then gives a wave. "Say hi to the does for me," she adds, and then she's off in to Tartarus, and back to Bellerophon.

Things are fairly quiet on the ship, now that the Zerachiels have finished their testing. Well, quiet except for Eli's snoring, where he's fallen asleep in a lab chair down in the Bio Lab.

Tasha stops briefly in the Bio Lab, long enough to remove the jacket of her uniform and drape it across the sleeping doctor. It's not long after she's standing before the sliding door to Gabriel's quarters and after taking a deep breath, she steps inside.

It's quiet in here too. There's a mug on Gabriel's desk, where he seems to have fallen asleep. His arms are crossed over whatever papers he was working on, and his head is cradled in them.

The young woman pauses when she sees her mate asleep at his desk. As she stands there in the faint light of the hall, watching him, she feels all her doubt and resentment draining away. And when she blinks, she finds her eyes wet with tears. "I'm so sorry," she whispers as she steps forward. Placing the tray aside, she kneels down and wrap her wings around the sleeping man, resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm so sorry … my poor, poor Gabriel … "

"Hmm?" Gabriel stirs, noticing Tasha. "Did I pass out? What time is it? And what smells like steak?" he mumbles.

Unable to manage a reply without falling apart, Tasha just reaches her hand up from under her wing, and pulls the tray over.

"Where did you… " Gabriel starts to ask, but then his stomach growls loudly. "Thank you, Tasha. I'm surprised; I thought you were mad at me."

"It doesn't matter," Tasha mumbles, using the hand that had moved the tray to rub her eyes.

"Are you alright?" Gabriel asks as he sits up, looking all rumpled. "I can't believe I fell asleep like this… I really must be getting old."

Tasha slides to her knees as the man sits up, looking up from the floor. "You look wonderful to me, Gabriel," she says, smiling past a face full of tears. "I'm sorry for causing you pain."

Gabriel winces a bit mid-yawn. "You haven't caused me pain, Tasha," he notes, bringing the food over and just enjoying the smell for a moment. "I deserve whatever happens to me, frankly."

Tasha's eyes widen and her head shakes. "That's not true," she insists, vehemently. "You're a good person; a good man! And, a good captain!"

"You can do everything right, make no mistakes… and still fail, Tasha," Gabriel mutters, as he cuts a piece of meat. "Sorry, I don't mean to sound morose. You're never really prepared to fail, is what I meant."

Tasha blinks as she rises, looking down with her ears canted forward. "But, you tried, didn't you? Isn't that why the Bellerophon says what it does? Because you dare to face the unknown, knowing you may not come back?"

"Yes, but once you've done it and got slapped down but survived, it changes you I guess," the man says before chewing on his steak. At least that makes him look happy, as he savors the alien meat.

Stepping forward, Tasha places a hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "But you're here; you're trying again, and we have six-thousand years of experience to help us this time. A woman once told me, the greatest gift in life is making mistakes, that from them we can grow to become better and achieve what we could not before."

Gabriel puts his hand over Tasha's, and smiles. "It's just hard I suppose," he says. "Lots of memories to get past. Things that still seemed to have happened yesterday."

"They're a part of you; you'll manage them in time and you'll be a stronger person. You aren't alone, either. You have me, and I know everyone respects and believes in you. Your life didn't go well, but you have been given another, and I think you'll make good with it." Tasha smiles, then leans down and kisses Gabriel on the cheek. "And don't forget, you're part of this world now, too."

"You're right, and I'm… " Gabriel says, then pauses and stares at his breakfast. "I'm acting like Abby," he finishes quietly.

"You were with her for a reason, Gabriel. Maybe some part of you is like her. And, maybe you understand how she felt now, and why. It's not wrong to feel worried or fearful," Tasha murmurs, settling down to rest her head on the man's shoulder. "After what happened, only a madman would be unconcerned."

"I suppose… It's just that, she never knew what happened to me," Gabriel says, setting down his knife. "While I was in stasis, did she wonder if I was coming back? Did she move on? She was a White Card, so the Terragens Council would have urged her to find another mate… "

Tasha looks pained as she listens, muzzle pressing together tightly, ears canting. She nods, too. "I can't even imagine what that would be like. You're the only man I've ever loved, and I can't imagine losing you. For her sake, I hope she was able to move on and find happiness. But, if she did or didn't, that's not something you could control." Tilting her head, Tasha glances at her mate with eye, birdlike. "You knew there would be risks, but you didn't leave knowing you would never return. You followed your heart, and it didn't go well, but that wasn't something you could have anticipated or prevented. And can you say, she really understood you?"

"She didn't want me to go," Gabriel says, looking at the wall. "But I had other reasons, beyond adventure. My son, Lancelot… he'd have gotten a free pass. Automatic White Card, support in whatever direction he wanted to take his life. Not having to prove himself. I don't even know how many other children I have. Nora and Fred and Mariel could all have long lineages spawned from the sperm and eggs they left behind."

"That all sounds like a happy thing to me, Gabriel," Tasha says, turning to watch the wall with him. "Your sacrifice wasn't in vain, giving your son a good life. Your genes created the next generation. You showed humanity and the other species Karnors could be brave, could sacrifice. I think … ," the woman tilts her head, leaning it against the man's own, " … you were remembered well, as the man who carried the pride of the Karnors, and of Terra. I know that I think of you as a hero."

"There were a lot of better Karnors in the fleet," Gabriel claims, and focuses on his steak and eggs for a moment, filling his mouth. "I'm not that heroic," he notes.

"The Karnor Elite were what every Karnor aspired to be; they tried to live up to a standard, but didn't always do it. What mattered, was that they tried, and that they were, by in large, worthy of being Elite. You weren't chosen by random, Gabriel. You were chosen because you are a good man, whatever you want to believe. Mariel looks up to you, and I'm sure there were many more." The young woman's head shakes, then returns to resting on the man's shoulder. "But even so, being the best isn't everything. Most of us aren't the best. What seems to matter, is what we do with what we have, and how we learn from our mistakes. And even if you don't believe any of that, I'll tell you this: even if you were the worst Karnor in the fleet, I'd still love you. And, I think this world needs you, too."

"You seem so different from the wide-eyed girl who dug up a spaceship," Gabriel says with a slight chuckle. "Why do you think Abaddon needs me?"

Tasha reaches up a hand and taps the side of her head. "I know I have a thick Vartan skull, but some things got through. You could say I'm proof even a nobody can learn and create something wonderful. And if I can, imagine what you can do." The young woman smiles and Gabriel can feel her other hand rest on his other shoulder, squeezing it. "Whatever you may think of what happened, of all of us, only you are capable of returning what was from the ashes. If you feel you deserve it or not, the Joint Expedition's legacy is yours, now. The rest of us, we just pretend to it."

Gabriel sighs, and remains quiet for a few moments. "So many things rising from the ashes," he says. "The old JEF is gone. This one has to be something new, and different. This is the world where it died, after all."

"Then let it be different. No one says it has to be the same; we have mages and colonized worlds now. Give it a new name, if you think that would be better." Tasha turns to glance at the man, then lifts her hand to her muzzle if about to whisper a great secret, "And I'll tell you this: if you want to let it all go, I'll support you. We can explore the worlds alone, even if we do it in rags. Do what makes you happy, Gabriel. The rest of us will manage."

Gabriel looks shocked, then relaxes and smiles. "I'll be able to delegate things after it's all set up and has its own momentum," he notes.

"That sounds like a man who doesn't want to explore the world in rags, or retire to fish?" Tasha leans back, brows raising.

"I may call it 'traveling' instead," Gabriel says with a grin. "There's a lot of civilization to explore, as well as wilderness, after all. And somewhere there must be warm beaches and nice weather and girls who go around in only grass skirts… "

"Girls, huh?" Tasha gives a very suspicious, bird-like, eyeballing in reaction to this piece of information "I need a grass skirt, is it? … I think I know that place."

"Oh, you will be naked of course, all the time," Gabriel says. "The half-naked women will just be there to dance and serve us drinks and fan us and such."

"You'd better be naked too, but otherwise I like this idea. A shame the Council won't support us setting up this kind of organization. Well," Tasha cocks her head to the side, "Senator Cornelius would be all for it, anyway."

"That old bat?" Gabriel asks, looking surprised. "He'd fall asleep if it was warm day out, I'd think."

Tasha chuckles, shaking the chair. "Oh no," she insists, head shaking. "He's a dirty old bat; you should hear some of his stories! You can be sure he'd be paying attention."

"At his age… shocking," Gabriel says in mock-dismay. "I guess you've eaten already? What else have you been up to while I was passed out?"

"Well, I did have some suspicious sausage. Then I went to the Ajax and saw Dr. Caravelli – the original Dr. Caravelli – and upset his mage friends as you'd expect," Tasha explains, all very much like it was an ordinary day. "As it turns out, Remy has met someone: a mage named 'Neesa.' He's been traveling with the Collegia delegates, and he's still as full of good advice as his copy. It also turns out he shares his copy's memories, somehow, which is aggravated by distance."

"Hmmm, that might explain some of my odder dreams," Gabriel notes.

"He did say he was having odd dreams," Tasha confirms. "There's a Dream Mage with him, and he said he'd come by some time. If you want, you could ask her about them. I already notified the guards to let them enter. Oh," Tasha's eyes widen, "… and have you seen the the Ajax? It's beautiful – we should have dinner there tonight."

"It has a restaurant on board?" Gabriel asks in surprise. "But yes… getting out of Belle for a bit sounds nice."

"I was just about to tell you, you needs to get out more. In fact, I'd like you to spend some time every day going out and meeting people, maybe start with talking with Vesuvius; I think he'd love to talk to you. You could have a card game with the senior officers, maybe throw a cannon ball at bottles." Tasha smiles, and nods. "And yes, it's beautiful. The ship is so large, it still amazes me. I know it's odd, to be amazed by the Ajax when we have the Bellerophon, but it's a familiar amazement!"

Gabriel laughs, and says, "Well, if you're going to twist my arm, I'm sure I can get out more and… " Then he blinks, and asks, "Throw a cannonball at bottles?" he asks.

Tasha gives a big, noncomprehending shrug in response. "I don't understand it either. It must be a local custom."

"Men have to come up with their own entertainment out here, I suppose," Gabe admits.

"Colonel Rapatia won it by falling over and dropping her cannon ball in to a path next to her, I think," Tasha offers. She then shakes her head and admits, "We're going to have a lot of these moments, aren't we?"

"Hopefully," Gabriel replies with a grin.

"Hopefully," Tasha echoes, smiling right back.