Night has fallen outside the temple. The chaos and noise ofthe day has faded. Many people of gone to the saftey andcomfort of their beds. Some are alone, some snuggled up to aloved one. A few lights still flicker in the darkness as guardsmake their rounds.

One such light is in the infirmary. A doctor makes a finalcheck on the patients… An injured guard, a burned cook,nothing out of the ordinary. He closes the door quietly andand informs the guards to wake him if anything happens.

A soft moan echos in the now empty infirmary… One patientisn't resting well tonight… He turns violently in his bed,throwing his covers to the floor. The candlelight dances acrosshis bandaged form… a deep burgundy furred body… an ivory whitechest… paws tapered with the finest ebony fur. He shiftsagain… the light falling on his face, on Jarik's face.

His brow is tense, his muscles tighten and relax… he tossesand turns. Perhaps he's lost in dreams… perhaps tormented bynightmares… who's to say?

*****

Darkness and mists swirl within Jarik's mind… Images blurpast him, friends, family, times long gone… One moment he isa young kit, wrestling with his father. The images shift, he'snow almost grown. He's helping his mother clear the tables inthe 'FireClaw Inn'. The fox is smiling to himself, movingthings here and there… A little female fox, not yet eight,runs into the room.

"Hi, Jarik… whatcha doing?" She asks.

"Oh, cleaning up as usual Talya." The fox says, " Since fatherdied… you know mom needs my help. Shouldn't you be in bed?"

She looks hurt, "But… but… you promised to read me a bedtimestory… like dad used to." She sniffles.

The fox winces, "Agh, I'm sorry! I completely forgot… Iwas… I was… "

"Too busy thinking about Alis again?" Talya grins.

"Well, um, yeah, kinda. Now, you run back upstairs. I'll bethere in a minute, okay?" He smiles to her.

"Okay!" she says. Talya runs to the doorway, turns, makeslittle smooching noises at Jarik, and runs upstairs giggling.

Jarik turns a BRIGHT red. "Talya!!!" He yells…

A soft voice interrupts him, "Now Jarik… she's only teasing. She's only eight. No, go see to her bedtime story. I canfinish up. Go… shoo!"

Jarik nods, "Yes Mother. I'll be back to help you when I'mdone." His voice fades off… the mists engulf the scene. Darkness again swirls. It clears to a red haze, smoke… thescent of death. Bodies lie everywhere… foxes torn limb fromlimb. Horror, pain, death… A single scream pierces thesilence. A scream of rage, of pain, as if someone's very soulwas screaming out for help, Jarik's scream. Darkness returns.

A soft voice echos in the darkness, "You still blameyourself don't you Jarik? You still feel that there wassomething you could have done to save us."

"Talya? Oh Talya… I tried… I tried… and all I could do waswatch… watch trapped in the inn's rubble. I… I couldn'tprotect my own family… I tried… " It's Jarik's voice now faintand detached.

A soft image of the little fox appears in the swirling mists,"I know Jarik… there was nothing you could have done… Itwasn't your fault we died. It's never been your fault… Youcouldn't have stopped them. Not even if you weren't buried inthe inn. You would have died with us. Now, don't sayanything… just listen. We are alive, we still live within you.As long as you still live, our race lives."

"No! I died that day! Jarik Fireclaw died that day! He diedwith his family… with you! With mother! With Alis… " Jarik'svocie cracks and fades.

"Oh don't be so stubborn Jarik! Don't blame yourself forsurviving! You've done so much since then… Why can't you seeit? Why can't you accept? You're a knight now, taught byT'Aris, last of the Order of Crydon, the great paladins oflegend. You road with the villagers and saved Crydon. You'veinsured that our race will always be remembered. *YOU* madesure our race didn't walk into death with a whimper, but withcourage and honor. You say you care for others. You've done somuch for others. You've risked everything to save the lives ofpeople you never knew. You've given everything to save theworld… Yet, you've ignored one soul who's been screaming foryour help for years. One person you turned your back on, leftfor dead." Talya says softly, sadly.

"Never!" Jarik screams, "I NEVER turned my back on someone whoneeded me!"

The little fox's shoulder's slump, "You still don'tunderstand. You've worked so hard to save everyone else. Younever saved yourself." With that, the little fox fades backinto the mists and darkness.

"No… wait… don't go Talya… " Jarik whimpers. But it's toolate, the little vixen returns to the past, to Jarik's memories.Once again, the fox is surrounded in silence…

An old gruff voice penetrates the silence."She's rightJarik… "

The mists seem to flow out of the way. A wolf, clad in oldarmor and billowing robes appears in the darkness. His fur iswhite with age… One eye has a deep scar passing over it… Hisarmor carries the nicks and dents of years of use. Upon hisneckshash is the symbol of a knight on horseback wielding aflaming sword. He speaks, "I know you weren't ready for themantle I gave you. You're young, inexperienced… untried. But,I knew when I first saw you… when I pulled you from therubble… you were the one. You were special Jarik. I waitedall my life to find someone to take as a student. I knew mytime was fast drawing to an end. I was worried that the Order,once a great power on Crydon, would become just a memory. Afond tale of the old days. But, the moment I saw you, I knewthat the order would live on. I found my successor."

"T'Aris… You… you knew then?" Jarik asks. "But… but… " hestammers.

"No 'buts' Fireclaw!" the wolf snaps, "I chose you for mysuccessor long before I fell on the field of battle! Mydeath… was earlier than I expected. I had to pass the mantlethen. You were not ready, but I had no choice left. You areSir Jarik Fireclaw, Knight and Paladin, Head of the order ofCrydon. I made no mistake in choosing you." The wolf turnsand looks away from Jarik, his voice much softer,"Jarik… you were also my best friend. I had hoped you wouldbe able to accept your past and rebuild your life… You hidefrom anyone who would care for you. You're afraid to get closeto anyone… You won't let yourself love another… "

"No! It's just that way for a knight! We travel alone! Afamily is something we cannot have… We can't put those peoplethrough that pain… The worry, the fear that we won't becoming back someday." Jarik says.

The wolf rolls his eyes, "I never said that, Fireclaw… " He sighs, "Jarik, I had a family, a wife and children. I got to see them grow up and leave me. I loved my wife untilshe passed away and continued to love her in memory. You hidefrom caring about another for fear you will lose them too.

"Not true! I… I… " Jarik stammers.

T'Aris tilts his head, "Then tell me, why are you so afraidthat you and Azhtar may have become close that night? Why doesthe thought of caring for someone else terrify you so? She'sgentle, kind… She's treated you as a friend since she metyou. Why are you so afraid of what may have happened?"

"I… I… " Jarik can't find the words.

The wolf walks back into the mists, "Just think about whatI've said, Sir Fireclaw. You already know the answer in yourheart. You just have to find it." The darkness swirlsagain. Jarik is falling towards a pinpoint of light. It grows,becoming brighter.

So intense… can't look.

********

Jarik sits up in his bed, shaking. His fur in disarray… Hisears echoing with the words of Talya and T'Aris…

"You never saved yourself… "

"You're too afraid to care for another… aren't you? Youknow the answer, it's in your heart. You just have to findit… "

The fox reaches for his pillow and hugs it tightly to hischest. His cheekfur glistens in the candlelight, it's mattedwith tears. "I… don't know anymore… I just don't know."