What To Do (23 May 2002) In the Queen's sitting room, she explains to Alice just how complicated things really are in Mirari.

The Queen's Private Sitting Room
Less showy and dramatic than her audience chamber, this room has an ocean theme, with a carpet of deep blue. Fabric-covered chaise lounges have sculptured blue bases that blend with the carpet, topped by fluffy white cushioning like the foam on the crest of a wave. White throw pillows in the shape of hippocampae are scattered about, their manes detailed in gold thread. Dolphin statues support glass-topped tables; mermaids hold oysters, whose pearls glow softly to light the room. On the walls, tapestries depict fanciful scenes of sea and seashore, featuring "catfish" and "sea lions" that, unlike their real-world analogues, look far more feline than fish.

After terminating the audience with Lord April and sending the rest of her people away, the distraught queen permits Alice to accompany her back to her suite. In the privacy of her sitting room, Seraph throws herself onto one of the lounges and weeps freely, lying on her stomach and clinging to the recumbent back. She hides her face in her arms, sobbing. Her crown comes free of her hair and rolls to the floor with a thump, but she does not seem to notice it.

Alice hurries over to the Queen's side. She settles herself down on the edge of the lounge and for the moment abandons the matter of formality to hug the woman freely. After all that the young blonde girl had come to see and know earlier, she isn't feeling so very cheery herself, but she's decided to put that aside to worry over the Queen. For once she just doesn't know what to say, so she just hugs her majesty in silence.

At first, the queen seems insensible even to Alice's offered comfort. But after a few minutes, the queen recovers herself enough to straighten a little, and turn onto her side as she can wrap one arm around Alice's shoulders, hugging the young girl to her. With her other hand she rubs at her tear-stained face. Seraph draws in a shuddering breath, then exhales the words, "What am I going to do?"

The little blonde shifts to rest her head against the Queen thinking how very familiar it feels -- only that back in Ainigton, no one was ever this sad. Nothing was so broken or the day so grey to be like this. Mirari was supposed to be a place of wonder and fairy tale things -- but now it's all wrong! She thinks, too, being a King or Queen must be really hard -- harder than anything she ever knew. But she remembers well the words of the prophecy and those that Mr. Kuning spoke to her. That rules can be changed, and stories too. So she tries to believe everything will be okay. Even now when it's so hard to. She tries to tell the Queen so, too, and says, "A nice man said to me that we can make our own stories. And if we really believe, then we can make a happy ending. I believe in happy endings. Even when the story is sad!"

The queen brushes tears away the long fingers of one hand. Even stricken by sorrow, she remains beautiful. Her fair skin glistens with shed tears, but her eyes are only a little darker and more sober -- not red or puffy. She half-smiles at Alice's words. "Happy endings," she starts to say. Then she falters, and her shoulders hunch as she buries her face in her hand. "I cannot see it. How, oh how, did I ever get to this place? How could everything have gone so wrong? My son, my husband, my brother -- " She chokes into silence. Curling Alice close to her, she rests her cheek against the girl's blond hair, sobbing.

Feeling she should go on Alice continues speaking, even as she's hugged tight. "T'would always be best if there were never a rainy day. Never-ever. But even rainy days become bright and sunny. Knights rescue princesses, well, except when all of us met Lord Monitor and he gave us Lady Angelique's mirror because I had to talk to the big dragon and that wasn't very story-like but it was okay because his lordship was a very nice dragon who just wanted to go back to bed. And Lord Bram and Lady Angelique, they liked happy endings! They tried really hard for them. And they didn't give up. And...." Relating the stories of happy endings that come from stories and the heroes that tried for them is meant for the Queen -- but it makes Alice feel better too. She can't remember ever having wanted to feel this sad in her whole life. It's awful. She just can't stand it at all. She doesn't want to be sad. Not now. She doesn't want to make the Queen any more unhappy. So she tries be cheery now, even if it hurts.

Seraph inhales again, her breathing growing steadier as Alice forges bravely on. "Of course. Of course. I mustn't give up. Marc wouldn't want me to huddle in my room like an infant, bawling. I am a queen." She wipes at her eyes again, and strokes Alice's hair. "At least I still have you, my little angel." She kisses the girl's forehead, tenderly.

When the Queen seems to cheer up a bit, Alice gives her a big smile, and another when she kisses her forehead. Then she bites her lip her lip as she considers asking the questions she has been holding on to. She really doesn't want to, but she decides she should if she ever hopes to help this story. "Your Majesty?" She looks up through the Queen's blonde hair to her tear-stained face. "May I ask a question? Or two? Or three? I don't know what to do to help, I want to, but it all seems very confusing. And, and they're kind-sorta sad questions."

With a little chuckle at her choice of words, Seraph nods. She leans back enough to let Alice see her face, lines of tears still trickling down her cheeks, but she smiles through it. She runs her fingers over a lock of Alice's hair. "All right, my child. Ask away; you are owed some answers, at least, though I do not know for sure that I have them."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," says Alice. She briefly wonders how a princess addresses her mother, now, when the masquerade has ended -- no one ever told her that. But her mind turns to other more important questions -- much sadder, too. "If it's okay, I would like to know why I lived in Ainigton? T'was spoken to me by Simon -- oh, he's Page Simon now! I'm sorry. Page Simon told me something then and I think I know why. Or a bit why! Like a puzzle piece. But not really-truly why."

The queen nods again, then frowns in confusion at Alice's reference to "Page Simon." She pauses, then says, "I will answer your question in a moment, daughter, but first tell me -- what information did the page offer you?"

"Oh. Well Page Simon, who is almost like Simon-Simon who might be kitty-Simon -- there's a lot of Simon in Simon! -- said that, that at the end of a Year, that ... oh...." Alice can't bring herself to say it all. Having tried so hard to be happy, or at least appear happy, she thinks saying it would just be too much.

Seraph, looking even more bewildered by Alice's various "Simons", bows her head as the young girl reaches her conclusion and trails off. "Yes," she admits softly. "That was half of our reason. Marc, at least, was a man grown when he ascended to the throne, and so would Richard have been -- if -- " She breaks off, then continues on her first track. "You were born mid-Year, and we knew you would still be young when the end of the Year came and the heir would ascend the throne. To ask such a sacrifice of one so young -- " Seraph shakes her head. "I could not bear the thought of it, and neither could your father. But that was only half the reason.

"More than that ... I feared for your safety. Your older brother, Richard -- " she pauses to take a steadying breath, " -- he was slain in a jousting ... accident. I never should have -- well. Jousts are a dangerous sport, and maybe it was no more than it seemed. The Lord Protector was elsewhere when it happened, and when he was able to investigate, he could find no proof that the use of a true lance was deliberate on anyone's part. But like me ... he suspected." Seraph strokes Alice's cheek.

"Believe me, little one, it was hard to give you up. Almost as hard as losing Richard. Harder, in a way, because with you, I knew this was my choice. But better, Marc, and I, and Lord Melchizedek all agreed, that you grow up safe and secure in the mortal realm, than to risk you against enemies so subtle that even the Lord Protector could do no more than stab at shadows in his search for them. Perhaps, someday, Mirari would be safe for you ... " She trails off again, her eyes misty with fresh tears.

Alice bites her lip again. It's a very sad story, she thinks. A brother she never got to know, parents she had been separated from, a world she never knew until recently. But in her own way she understands the why of it and is grateful to have parents that cared that much about her. Doubly so, for Alice has the joy of two families. So she offers, "The Westfields are really nice. My little brother always wants Lord Mel, and Gabriel calls me 'squirt' all the time, but 'nay, it wasn't a sad place." She smiles a little. "And I met everyone else there! Rebecca who's really Lady Sorceress Nymuae, Tommy who's really Lord Thomas, Simon who's Page-Kitty Simon, and Elinor who really was from Mirari! Lady Rachel."

"The mortal folk have been kind to you, then?" Seraph smoothes a lock of hair back from Alice's forehead. "Lord Melchizedek swore on oath to me that they would treat you well, and he always told me they did ... but I worried for you anyway. Though I cannot find fault with them in the person that you have become, my little Angel." She smiles.

At this Alice giggles a little. "Very nice. Well, mostly very nice. My brother Gabriel always teases me! And just because he's bigger! But I like him. He'd like Mirari. My little brother, oh." The little blonde purses her lips as she thinks of what to say. "He's always very messy! And the Westfields are always busy, because he is. So I got to go play a lot." She nods a little, then asks, "But can I ask more questions? Your Majesty?"

"All brothers like to tease their little sisters, even in Mirari," the queen says, her smile growing in reminiscence. "Why, when I was little, my -- " She breaks off, swallowing hard, then nods to Alice. "Of course." Her voice is quieter now.

Remembering vividly the fight between the Queen and her brother, Alice tries to remember to ask about that, too. "Why does the King, at the end, go ... go away? Why can a King rule for only one Year?" she asks. Again she can't quite manage to say that they die, and would rather never have to think about it again. But she has to now. It's important.

The queen smiles sadly. "That is a Rule of Mirari, for all Mirari is governed by certain Rules, sacred and immutable. As well to ask why the sun rises in the East, or why April's animal is the cat and October's the crow, or any number of other things. It is the way things are. It is said that the Lady Sorceress Nymuae, long ago, explained it thus: 'A new King breathes new life into the land. Without his hand at the beginning of the Year, there can be no Spring. As the King ages, so too does the Year, until Winter comes to freeze Mirari. Then, only the power of a new Monarch can ensure new life for Mirari.'"

"Oh," mouths Alice, though she doesn't really understand it at all -- why someone has to die so seasons can change. They don't because someone dies in the mortal world, but maybe that's the difference between the two. And maybe, just maybe, that's a rule you can change too. She hopes so. "It isn't because of Lord Year's End, is it? Because he's 'The Destroyer' and a warlock? Because it sounds very similar! In the, the mortal world years change and start again. It's like a big circle! And I read that Lord Eoin of January came to Mirari a long time ago, and that His Majesty wanted to know about him, and I think he's probably Lord Eoin of January because Lady Angelique's mirror letters sorta-kinda said so -- Maybe we could ask Sir Theodore!"

Blinking a few times, the queen tries to follow her daughter's logic. "I don't believe anyone has ever said that it is because of the Destroyer that the old king must resign his crown and pass into Historie. It is just the way things have always been, since King Riordan first gave up his crown to his successor. Sir Theodore?"

Well maybe that's not the case, but Alice thinks she'll find a way to stop people from dying. She just has to. But she goes on, answering the Queen's question, "Sir Theodore was Lady Angelique's knight. He ... he went away too, when a very mean man hurt him. Lady Angelique was a very good healer, though! So he's okay. Well, sort of. His head, well, he's asleep in a secret grove and can be woken up in, oh yes, in 'a time of need' by a member of House April. I thought I could, but I'm not of House April, and I didn't want to wake him up then! But maybe you can, Your Majesty. I know how."

"I had not heard mention of this story in Years, Angel. Who told you of it?" Seraph asks, curiously.

"Lady Nymuae of the Lake! She's my best friend, and she's really smart," answers Alice. "Oh! And we -- I mean my friends and I, Your Majesty -- found the dolls that they slept in. In the mortal realm."

"Dolls that they slept in?" The queen rubs at her temples. "Perhaps the Lady Sorceress could explain this more clearly ... "

"Should I summon her, Your Majesty?" asks the little blonde girl.

"Summon her?" Seraph shakes her head. "There is no end to your surprises! Certainly, the prospect of her counsel has appeal ... but I must think on that."

"We also had a flute that made locks open, but Tommy has that now. He can use it better because he likes being sneaky. But I remember the song!" Alice looks proud at this. After all, it is her favorite song and she spent a lot of hours in music class learning how to play the flute. She also finds her apprehension at inquiring about this and that lessens with every question, and so she asks, "Why does everyone want to be King? What happens to His Majesty if a new King comes before a Year ends?"

"Everyone does not want to be King ... though some days it seems that way." Seraph looks wry. "Everyone wants a new King made now because they think it will bring the spring. It has happened twice before, when a King perished near the Year's End, but before it, and when his successor was crowned, a new Year started immediately. That is what my brother meant, when he ... said there was precedent."

Alice nods slowly as this as she tries to draw it all in, as uncomfortable as it is to think about. She asks, "But Your Majesty what happens to His Majesty if a new King comes before, before His Majesty goes away first?"

"No one knows. There is no precedent," the queen says, emphatically. "That is what I have been defending. No one has ever usurped the throne of a living Ruler. But ... until now, no Ruler has ever been missing from the land past the time when the Year of his reign should have ended."

Again, Alice nods to this. As she considers this and what she learned before she is quiet and idly fiddles with her hands as she thinks. At length, she asks, "I worry about Mirari. A lot. But I worry about His Majesty too! And Tommy, Lord Thomas-Tommy and Lady Redmane-Agatha worry about the Year's End building up horses far away. 'Tis is a bit of why I came to the palace, Your Majesty, to warn everyone. And all I see is a lot of arguing! What if something bad happens and everyone needs to get together, but they won't, because they all want to argue over the new Year?"

The queen nods, solemn. "Something bad already has happened. Many bad things." She shakes her head. "I would never have imagined, not in a score of Years, that my brother would ever speak to me as he did today. Raphael ... " She looks pained. "It was hard enough to bear Richard's death, or Marc's disappearance, but this! To have him standing before me, not two yards away, close enough to touch -- and yet there is this wall between us." She shakes her head, cuddling Alice to her and pressing her face into the little girl's hair. "He is a stranger to me now."

"How can his lordship be so mean, Your Majesty? I think I know how he must worry about Mirari, but yelling won't help anything. T'would be best were you to work together I would think," inquires the little girl as she gets cuddled. As she listens for the answer she scoots to hug the Queen back for good measure.

Drawing comfort from the child, Seraph only shakes her head again. "I do not know. Oh, I understand how he must feel -- if only Marc had passed the throne on to him, this dreadful Winter would long since have been over! But I know Marc must have had cause for leaving, if he left on his own -- good cause. I expected that Raphael would understand, that, too, but perhaps he cannot. Still -- to say such things! To imply that Marc, or I, were doing this for selfish reasons." She closes her eyes, swallowing a sob. "I do not know him any more. I look into his eyes, and I do not recognize in him the brother I grew up with. How can a man change so much?"

Recalling something that makes her blink, Alice none-the-less presents her idea all the same -- no matter how odd or unlikely it might be. So she asks carefully, "Is he really his lordship, of House April? Are you sure, Your Majesty? I also read that mean Lord Year's End can change shapes, and he lies a lot, and he's warlock!"

At first startled by the suggestion, Seraph gazes at Alice, seeming to consider the idea seriously. Then she shakes her head. "No, no, it could not be. The court thaumaturge has great skill in detecting illusions and disguises, and it is her duty to ensure that no doppelgangers or shapeshifters infiltrate the Palace. Surely she could not overlook an imposter in the role of Lord April...." She shakes her head, but she sounds like one trying to convince herself as much as Alice.

"Maybe Lady Nymuae could look, Your Majesty? The Lord of Year's End was very tricky and he had many disguises and times when he caused lots of arguments in court and in the kingdom. Just in case?" suggests Alice. She gives her mother another hug, this time laying her head back against the woman's shoulder comfortably. It seems like forever since anyone held her like this, not since she left Ainigton. She didn't realize how much she missed it until she had it back again. But even despite her comfort there are difficult questions to ask, and so she trudges on, asking, "Oh. And does anyone know the little rules of the Rule of Mirari? Like what happens to the King if there's a new King?"

"Copies of the Rules of Mirari are available for study in the royal library, Angel. It is said that the originals of all of the Rules of Mirari are written out in the first Pages of Historie, and stored in the anchor of the Siege at the Palace. Together, those Rules comprise what we sometimes call 'The Rule of Mirari.' Yet they do not cover all possible contingencies and cases. It is not said what might happen if a new Ruler were crowned while the old one yet reigned. I, and other scholars, had always considered that impossible," Seraph answers.

That makes sense to Alice, that there'd be a big book on all the important rules of the world somewhere -- she always suspected there was one. She is however disappointed it doesn't cover everything. "When I heard how much Mirari was suffering, when Page Simon told me about Years and Kings, and, and when I saw you Your Majesty and his lordship Lord April, I thought being a King or Queen is really hard. But I also thought that, ... well, maybe ... maybe I should try and be. For Mirari. But I didn't know no one knows what happens to His Majesty! I would never want to hurt the King. I don't want him, to ... go away. Not at all. And I didn't want the Lords to fight when bad things are happening. And I didn't want you, Your Majesty, to fight with your brother -- family shouldn't fight like that! And well, it wasn't a very good plan. I'm sorry!"

The queen's expression saddens again, and she touches Alice's cheek. "I fear I have no good plans, either, though it pains me to admit it. I have stalled the Houses for Weeks now already on this matter, but after my latest audience ... I am not sure I can stall any longer. If Raphael is to put out that I am indifferent to the continuance of Winter...." She sighs deeply.

Alice frowns sympathetically to the Queen's lack of a plan, but only briefly, preferring to smile for her instead. She asks, "But Lord Thomas will come and speak at the gathering, right, Your Majesty? Won't that help?"

"Perhaps. If the Lords and Ladies are convinced that it is truly him. If he bears the right message...." She sets her mouth in a line, reflective. "I simply do not know. Lord April is my brother, my closest kin, my husband's chosen Heir. If I am to support any to succeed to the throne, it should by rights be him. Yet ... " She shivers. "With all that he is said, I am afraid of him. I would sooner see October take the throne," she whispers, her voice almost inaudible.

"I think he's scary too. Kuon said to be careful of anyone who wanted the throne, but he's much scarier than Lord October even if he is my uncle," admits the princess. Though she dislikes being afraid of any of her family, unlike times where Gabriel scared her the fear she has of Lord April is different. She thinks that he seems almost malevolent, or at the very least very forceful in the direction he wants to go such that it's intimidating. "But can either, Your Majesty? House April is only in the forty-eight generation, and neither House April nor House October can rule over the other until the fiftieth."

"That is a point of considerable dispute." The queen rolls her eyes. "Most of it unbearably dull. Raphael is the forty-sixth Lord of House April. If you trace back the exact family line, there are three times when succession passed from grandparent to grandchild, and one time when an adopted Heir took the seat, but it passed back to a child of Angelique's line after that Lord's death. There are also a number of disputed relations -- whether or not this Lord or that Lady was a sibling, parent, uncle, grandparent, or whathaveyou, to his or her successor. Most of the genealogical evidence points to him being the forty-ninth generation, but some can ... and do, at interminable length ... argue for him being the fifty-first or fifty-second. Then there is the argument that 'fiftieth generation' is meant figuratively, to represent 'fifty Years' -- that was Marc's thought when he chose Raphael.

"And then there are those who would tell us it is meant figuratively -- but to represent 'forever', fifty generations being as much as eternity from the perspective of Lord Bram and Lady Angelique." The Queen shrugs, then adds, "October's line is as debatable as April's, but the body of scholarly evidence points to him being of the fifty-third generation of his House."

Through the lengthy explanation Alice sits quiet and tries to sort it all out, and bring it to something simple so as to make a plan of it. What she comes up with is thus: "So, it's a problem of arguments, Your Majesty? I mean, I think, would anything bad happen because of that promise if it was broken? If Lord April or Lord October became King? And I still worry about His Majesty if they did. And, oh ... oh! Wars," the girl inquires.

"I do not know, daughter. Rules were not made to be broken, but it seems we have little choice. There is no Rule for replacing an Heir once he is chosen, as my brother was. Yet if he was not a valid candidate, than the Rule would demand he not inherit. We cannot honor the Rule of Fifty Generations and the Rule of Heirs both. And this is not even to mention the Rule of Succession, which demands my husband pass on his crown in order for his successor to ascend. Which of these Rules is most important?" The Queen shakes her head. "And for the Lords and Ladies, that answer seems to be, 'Whichever gets me the result I want.' As for what comes of breaking the Rule -- it could be worse than even this endless Winter. The Rules are the fabric of Mirari. Even the lesser Rules that bind the faerie folk are treacherous to break -- oath breaking, for one. I fear what could happen, if we fey were to break such a great Rule."

"Oh," says Alice after this next lengthy bit of explanation. "I promised Lady Redmane, Agatha, that I wouldn't tell anyone I was here and who I am except you, Your Majesty. I thought it may have been okay if it helped lots of people, but now I don't know! This is very complicated."

Seraph smiles wryly. "I am afraid, little Angel, that is exactly our problem."

Alice frowns at this. One way or another she has managed to wedge herself firmly in a web of politics, oaths, and laws. This is all very overwhelming on top of everything else that has happened. Now she knows why adults always look so worried. It makes her feel a bit like an adult, too, which if she wasn't mired in this it's a feeling she might well giggle at. One thing she is sure of, however, is, "I have another question!"

Previous Log: Confrontation with Lord April	Next Log: Letter from A. to Friends

Thread Links
	Previous Log: Confrontation with Lord April Next Log: Letter from A. to Friends		Previous Log: Confrontation with Lord April Next Log: Rapping, Rapping at the Door

---

This site serves as a chronicle of sessions in an online roleplaying campaign moderated by Conrad "Lynx" Wong and May "Rowan" Wasserman. The contents of this site are (c) 2001, 2002 by Conrad Wong and May Wasserman except where stated otherwise. Despite the "children's fantasy" theme of this campaign, this site is not intended for young readership, due to mild language and violence.