Grail Paradox (13 Dec 2001) Tom speaks privately with Simon.

Hawksmoor Keep
This fortress, built high in the giant trees for added protection, is located on the borders of the dark woods where the Jruuh and other wild, malevolent beasts roam. In the snow-frosted foliage, its dark wooden sides stand out boldly, and icicles hang down from the long buttresses that help support it between the several branches it occupies. There are steps cut into the bark of the giant tree -- though slippery as they are with frost and as high as one must climb to get to the side-gate of Hawksmoor, they could pose a very chancy proposition.

"I've been thinking on various strategies to use against the witch and the bandits. I figure they're probably used to dealing with people during the day, since the rumors of this place probably keep people well indoors at night. So, I think we should strike at night. Let's go see what we have in the way of lanterns. I'm hoping we have some fitted with shutters so we can douse the light when needed," Thomas explains as he and Sir Lefallon walk down a corridor. "I'm also thinking we should take a few white sheets along. In a pinch, we can dive down and cover with it. The low light will make it look like more snow. Also, we could set pit traps if need be. Since you're a knight, do you have any suggestions on fight strategies?"

"Good idea," Sir Lefallon observes. "Well ... a warning, actually. I think you're right that we should try to use the Grail as little as possible. It's a holy artifact, and that means it's to be treated with respect. Also, the way I received it suggests it might vanish again when we've used it for ..." He pauses, realizing he has no idea what it is to be used for. "... whatever reason for which it was given."

"Reasonable. I always heard it would fulfill its purpose, then become hidden again to wait until the world would need its powers once more. Which brings me to a question, really. How did that grail get here? I mean, seriously. I took a chance on looking for it. I didn't expect to actually find it. Doesn't that seem really strange to you?" Thomas asks.

Sir Lefallon looks exactly like Simon, but bears himself more confidently. He has begun outfitting himself from the keep's stores as befits a swordsman as well, rather than the humble "jester" pose that Thomas remembers of him earlier, and so beneath his fur-lined cloak is a breastplate and shoulder pieces of bronze. He has urged Tom to equip himself with some leather bracers and pieces as well, made of a well-treated material that will turn light blows, but not restrict the Lord Explorer's mobility overly. "Well, as to that, it seems quite reasonable. I placed the Grail within Hawksmoor shortly after we returned from our travel in the Wild Lands, and ..." His voice trails off.

"Our travels? I thought you were just a squire from House April. And I ... I haven't been in this land or this fortress for ages. When did we travel the Wild Lands?" Thomas asks, adjusting the bracers on his forearms. He's not used to wearing much armor, but times require such measures.

"I ... I remember our travels, milord, as if they had occurred a long time ago," Sir Lefallon says, puzzled, looking up at his friend, hoping for answers in his eyes. "Yet too I remember being a squire of House April only in the Spring, and the private ceremony in which I was dubbed a knight."

"Curious, isn't it?" Thomas says, shifting the thicker coat he traded in his cloak for to improve mobility. "How could that be, hmm? What specifically do you remember?" Thomas inquires.

Sir Lefallon hefts a lantern out of a crate which stores eight more like it, dusty things of brass and blown glass. "It began with the appearance of the angel, in ... Ainigton, in the shop where I had been posing as Simon, and considering lyrics that might do to describe our travels in a comedic fashion." It seems as if the mention of Ainigton came a little difficult to his remembering.

"When you bid me away to the woods then, a short time thereafter, and we ventured into the Wild Lands," Sir Lefallon continues. "It seemed as if we had known each other for a long time, and so we had, but in Ainigton. Yet, it seemed to me then that we had known each other as Lord Explorer and Knight for so long as well, for you spoke so knowledgeably of myself, and I knew you as well. I cannot find the words to put it best. It is as if we moved as players in a dream, where one comes to know things one has not before experienced."

"Welcome to my life," Thomas comments with a smirk. He checks over the lantern and nods. "That's what my memories are like. Vague and dreamlike. So, the question remains: are they truly real, or is something odd going on?" He shrugs. "I've got an idea about some of it, but it's crazy."

Sir Lefallon takes another lantern, to be taken out to the front with the rest of the supplies being gathered. "Do you? Such philosophy, I confess, is beyond me, but I would be eager to put sense to these happenings."

Thomas leans up against the crate. "I've been going under the assumption that time is linear in this world. One event happens after the next. What if time isn't linear here? I've also been pondering how we could cross over into this world without help from one of the lords. But, I think we already have been. Ever wonder if we crossed over, only into Mirari's past?" he offers.

This causes Sir Lefallon's brows to furrow. "But ... how would such a thing be possible? What if we were to change something that might change what we know now -- make a door to be unlocked that we knew to be locked, or slay a trollkin that might grow up into a fearsome threat? Would that not cause paradox?"

"Exactly. You're seeing my concern," Thomas says. "It seems so strange, and yet may explain what has happened. We had adventures in the past of this world. That's why the Grail was here. That's why it remembers me." He shrugs. "Of course, I could be completely wrong, but, finding that grail in itself is a twist in this reality that doesn't seem to fit."

Sir Lefallon nods slowly. "Aye, old friend. It seems a strangely powerful thing to ascribe to our waking dreams, and yet we have the proof that it can happen."

"Unless they weren't entirely dreams. But us, crossed over," Thomas says, then shrugs. "I'm curious to as your take on all of this. Do you think I am fey? Do you think Agatha and Alice are?"

"And yes, I can do glamour, which is a fey ability. So evidence states that I am," Thomas adds. "But, is that because I truly am, or that this world is making me fey?"

Sir Lefallon begins to answer, and then stops. "My head begins to ache," he says, rubbing his forehead. "Making, or truly being, how are we to tell the difference, Lord Explorer? As for Agatha and Alice, I cannot say. You seemed much like any mortal yourself before we began, but you have discovered yourself. Have they found their own selves, if there is more to be found than dreaming? I cannot say."

"All right," Thomas replies. "I seemed mortal then. Do I now?"

Sir Lefallon considers. "You have changed, aye. You seem older and wiser than the doubting Tom I recall. But whether you are mortal or fey, I cannot say easily. Many fey are of so strong a mortal resemblance that they cannot be told apart without the test of iron."

Thomas chuckles. "Well, do you think there would be any iron around to test with? I'm curious to know."

"Ah, there I'm at a loss, for it is not a thing one would find in Mirari easily," Sir Lefallon jibes back. "Perhaps your skills at finding might be applied here."

"Hah," Thomas comments. "Funny. I know where iron is in Ainigton, anyway. I should have brought it." He shrugs and says, "You know I cannot pass up a mystery. If I am fey, I belong in this world. If I am not, I don't."

Sir Lefallon laughs. "That's ever been your nature, old friend," he agrees. He gets up from where he'd been leaning against a shelf, holding up the two lanterns he is carrying.

Tom leans back against a crate. "We can't take much along with us out into the woods. A torch and lantern apiece, I think -- the torch to use for fighting, should it come with that. I'd rather avoid direct confrontation until we reach the witch. I'm hoping the guard can deal with the bandits once we break the spell over these woods."

"Without illusion to hide their retreat and lead astray pursuers? Aye, any House's guards would more than suffice for the task," agrees Sir Lefallon.

"A few I'm sure we could handle them on our own. But, that would alert the witch. I want us to appear fairly, well, powerless. That way, the witch would lower her guard," Tom replies, tapping on his chin. "I would risk being caught and taken to her if it was just me. Hide the chest and make it look like some sort of 'treasure' the witch would want to open. Heh, surprise!"

The young knight cautions, "While it may serve to dispel her illusions, the sight of the Grail may not be enough to dispel the Witch as well. Perhaps it may frighten her, but then again ... it might simply be delivering a holy treasure into wicked hands."

"Many of wicked nature have sought the Grail for their own, selfish ends," Sir Lefallon adds.

"True enough. I am loathe to take a life, but I will strike if need be. I've rarely had to fight to the death," Thomas says.

Sir Lefallon nods agreement, setting lanterns down outside. He glances toward the court where Brionna and Nathaniel are sparring to pass the time. "It reminds me now: I recall the Bandit Queen that I fought, and the old compact you spoke of that forbade you to aid in the battle. A most curious thing, I thought."

"Personally, I think we have good odds with this. It feels right to me, if that makes any sense," Thomas says. Thomas then shrugs and says, "True enough. She and I did have an agreement on that. I wonder if these are her bandits out here now. If so, then she broke it."

"I misdoubt it; I have heard from the Hawks who have seen some of the bandits that they are led by a dispossessed noble who was banished for his habits of challenging others to duels, for that the King had declared he would not have his populace thinned from within," Sir Lefallon says. "Besides, would not the Bandit Queen be an ancient woman by now?"

"And shouldn't I be a doddering old man?" Thomas asks.

This draws a grin from the younger man. "Remarkably well preserved, old friend; perhaps you have tree-man blood, eh? Trees live a long time, I've heard."

"I am of November. It's possible. I wish I knew, though. I can't remember who my family was. Rather sad. I left them without much thought. But looking back and not being able to remember them; it's hard," Thomas replies.

"Hey, I was kidding," Sir Lefallon says, poking Thomas in the side with a grin. He sobers a bit. "If you think that we really can go back into Mirari's past, though..."

Thomas shrugs. "It's possible. Why do you bring that up? Are you suggesting I try to travel back and find out?"

"Well, isn't that the sort of thing you'd think we could do?" the other boy says.

Thomas paces over the oaken floor slowly. "If my theory is right, then yes. I could also find out what happened fourteen Years ago," Thomas says. He then grins. "Then again, there are a few things I am ashamed of. The Bandit Queen is one of them."

Sir Lefallon looks quite curious. "Really? Whatever for?"

"Not one of my prouder moments. I was much less experienced then, but was somewhat known for an uncanny tracking ability. When we ran into her the first time, I cut a deal with her. On my honor, I would never track or directly aid in bringing her downfall so long as she swore that she wouldn't harm myself or any of my followers. Oberia wasn't pleased with me for making such a deal with a criminal. Of course, keep in mind I was a nobody back then. I still can't believe I ever gave up that life of solitude," Thomas explains.

Sir Lefallon blinks. "Why'd you make the deal in the first place? And who's Oberia?"

"We were surrounded at the time on the edge of a bluff. I knew I could dive off into the river and escape, but it was seriously risky. So, when we found we could reach another arrangement that was mutually beneficial, I took it. She would let us walk; I wouldn't track her down later. So long as neither of us violated that deal, each would ignore the other. Oberia was a translator working for the crown back then. She was traveling with Randall, a captain from House April, to the West back when I met them. It was really the first official Golden Hawks story. We formed the group after we returned from the West. Not the most grand beginning," Thomas explains with a shrug.

"And I really dislike Nymuae," Thomas mutters.

"I see," Sir Lefallon says, frowning as if to say that the knight might have chosen to fight in such a position. "Huh? What about her?"

Thomas shrugs and says, "I'm not a fighter. Never have been. I was just a wanderer who lived off the land." He then looks to Simon. "Nymuae? Let's just say she cares not for me and I care not for her. Never a straight answer, and likes to lord over everyone. We almost came to blows not too long ago."

"But, she's one of the legendary protectors of the land!" Sir Lefallon protests, then admits, "Though, that doesn't mean that everyone has to like her. She can be rather short on explanation. It's as with Lord Melchizedek, he's also reputed to be not much for explaining when something has to be done...." He thinks a while. "You know, when you were talking about finding out what happened to you fourteen Years ago?"

"What about it?" Thomas asks.

Sir Lefallon says, "It just occurred to me that it could be really dangerous. I mean, you'd be you, but fourteen Years ago, and going into a situation where you know you never came back. What if you, I mean, the now-you, didn't come back either?"

Thomas shrugs and says, "What if I didn't? You see, it's the 'what if' that I hate. Not knowing is no reason to not do something. The truth is what matters."

"But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be wary of dangers along the way," Sir Lefallon says soberly.

"True enough. But when have I let danger stop me?" Thomas counters.

"Nymuae stopped me once from going West some nineteen Years ago. I've always been angry with her for that," Thomas says. "Pronounces some dire warning, then leaves. No answer, no reason."

Sir Lefallon makes a show of trying to recall the occasions and being just about to count off one. "Let's see, the cave, no, the wolf, no..." He grins wryly. "I'm just saying, I don't know if you'd come back from a waking dream where you died, or if I would. If it were me, I'd avoid a waking dream like that. Or maybe..." He looks a bit lost in thought and then says to himself, "No, that's too silly."

"Hmm? what's too silly?" Thomas asks.

The younger man says slowly, "Dreaming we're other people and going back in time to watch you, fourteen Years ago. But then, what if we managed to save you from whatever happened? Then you wouldn't have ever come to the mortal realm, and you and Simon might never have met, and I might never have gotten picked." He shakes his head. "It just couldn't work."

Thomas laughs. "And who says going back and trying to save me isn't what caused me to get trapped in the first place?" Thomas replies with a grin. "That's the problem with trying to consider time as non-linear. Way too many ifs and whats."

Sir Lefallon grins and rubs his forehead. "I don't understand it. Maybe a philosopher might, but I'm just a simple knight."

"And remember, after this Witch, I'm still heading West to meet whatever fate awaits me. Doing it fourteen Years ago or doing it now hardly matters, wouldn't you agree?" Thomas says. "I just hope that should I fail again, that I simply be gone this time. No more rebirths, thanks."

Sir Lefallon screws up his face. "No swaddling clothes changing for me, thanks."

Tom grins. "Touche."

"If it's all the same to you, I'd as soon that we came back from the West successful and without too great changes in our age and health," the younger man says a bit plaintively.

Thomas shrugs at the comment and looks about the aging room, sighing. "Do you think this world will still accept me after all this time? Am I just wasting my time on a pointless dream of unity? No one cared fourteen Years ago, and I was known back then. Why should it be any different or more effective today? I'm a living ghost story."

"The King's never gone missing before," replies Sir Lefallon. "And you won't be alone this time. You've got me and Rachel and Hannah, and Agatha and Alice ... and at least Lord November will be on your side, for saving his daughter. I don't know if Lord December will be, but he seemed to want to help you, didn't he?"

Thomas chuckles and says, "Are you so sure about Lord November? He may see me as simply dragging his daughter further into danger with my wild ideas of adventure. You are right, though: Lord December did seem honest in wishing to help, provided I recover the Lord Protector. Everyone wants something from me, and I'm not sure I can succeed. I'm capable of a great many things, but I can still fail."

"Well, that's what being a hero is all about, isn't it?" Sir Lefallon looks up at the skies, which are a dazzling blue but crossed with sheets of white clouds. "When I was little, I used to think knights went around all the time, saving damsels in distress and killing dragons and taking their treasure, as easily as breathing. Then I became a squire and I started to see that there was a lot of work involved in taking care of the things a knight needs, like their weapons and their Knightsteeds. And then I got to become a knight, and..." He looks down at his feet. "It wasn't really very chivalric and dashing at all, what I had to do, but it was my duty, and it was for the good of Mirari."

Thomas pats Sir Lefallon's back. He says, "I could have told you that, friend. I think you may understand my position. You see, people see me as the legend, not as a person, much like you once saw knights. Unfortunately, life isn't as glamorous as stories make it out to be. They tend to leave out the gritty details. I'm worried they don't realize that I am still just a person. Like that deal with the Bandit Queen, sometimes you have to do things that just aren't ... grand. When it comes down to it, I don't see myself as a hero. I'm just a man who did what he thought was right at the time."

Sir Lefallon grins back to Tom, looking up again. "'Tis true that it's hard for us, but the balladeers will make it sound glorious and easy as eating pies, don't you think? 'And bravely Lord Explorer Thomas went into the Golden Woods that had been darkened by the Witch, accompanied by his trustworthy band, carrying aloft the Holy Grail which blazed so that it lit their path for seven leagues in every direction' perhaps? Anyway, if anyone can do it, I think you can."

"And I feel I can do this. It's a rush I've not felt for some time. I'm certain should we succeed that some grand legend will be written about it -- not once mentioning any time we ran out of terror or how cold it was in the woods," Tom agrees. "I think we've planned as much as we can, given what we know. Soon, we have to act. And a word of advice for you, something I learned over the Years: just because you're afraid, doesn't mean you can't act. Being afraid isn't a sign of weakness; only a true fool is never afraid. The only weakness is not facing and overcoming that fear."

Sir Lefallon smiles. "Thanks, Tom. I'll remember that." He looks down with surprise at the black cat that has come out of the shadows of the storehouse, and reaches down to scratch behind its ears.

Thomas looks down and asks, "Say, has anyone mentioned this cat's name? Now I'm curious about it. He does remind me an awful lot of Shadow." Tom then kneels down and pets over the cat gently, saying, "Soon you'll be able to go outside the Keep if you wish. Once we deal with the nightmare that engulfs this place, the roads will be open once more." He looks up at Sir Lefallon and says, "C'mon, we'd better find the others and make sure they're ready and not having any doubts. This will be hard, but we can do it -- together."

Previous Log: Return to Hawksmoor	Next Log: A New Dawn

Thread Links
	Previous Log: Return to Hawksmoor Next Log: Challenging the Bandit Queen		Previous Log: Return to Hawksmoor Next Log: A New Dawn
	Previous Log: Return to Hawksmoor Next Log: Challenging the Bandit Queen

---

This site serves as a chronicle of sessions in an online roleplaying campaign moderated by Conrad "Lynx" Wong and May "Rowan" Wasserman. The contents of this site are (c) 2001, 2002 by Conrad Wong and May Wasserman except where stated otherwise. Despite the "children's fantasy" theme of this campaign, this site is not intended for young readership, due to mild language and violence.