Black Ship, Dark Concerns (28 Dec 2002) Tom and Hannah share their concerns about how much they can trust of what "facts" they find in Mirari.

Cabin of the Black Ship
This isn't exactly the most cozy of accommodations. The planking that makes the floor and walls and ceiling is of a dark, stained, nearly black wood, and there are many scratches and scrapes and stains, the origins of which can only be imagined. The furnishings are spartan -- flat plank bunks built into the walls, and similarly constructed tables and stools, all designed to be simple, and not to go thrashing about, should the djinn be less than perfect in keeping the craft from swaying while in motion. But at the very least, it can be said of the cabin that the sturdy and solid construction offers privacy, from prying ears or eyes, and welcome insulation from the chill of the outside air.

One corner of the cabin is lit buy several oil lamps. The flickering firelight illuminates a disorderly pile of papers and maps; the unbound version of the journal Thomas has been keeping during the journey from Hawksmoor and beyond. Nearby, cloaked in partial shadow, Thomas sits, leaning back and with one leg propped up on a crate. His green eyes stare unwavering at the journal before him. After a time, his brow furrows and he shifts his position slightly, causing the lamplight to now illuminate part of his face. As it flickers, it plays on the creases of concern on his face. One moment, he looks haunted, another -- deep in thought, then another -- simply old.

There is the sound of a soft step at the door of the cabin, then Hannah appears in the entrance. She quickly takes in the sight of Thomas at work and halts, drawing in a quick breath. "Oh! I'm sorry, Lord Explorer," she murmurs. "I did not think this particular cabin was occupied. And I see that you are busy. I can just find another place...?"

"Mmmm. It's not that occupied, in all honesty. I started trying to organize my notes, but ended up spending far too much time thinking over them and all that I have learned," Thomas says slowly and shifts his position so he can face Hannah. A few strands of his black hair falls over his eyes and he says, "And please, no need for formalities and titles. I don't care for them. Anyway, I can straighten up my papers and leave the cabin to you, if you like. I'm not in the greatest of moods right now, I must admit."

Hannah smiles faintly, in spite of the gloominess in Thomas' tone. "Ah yes. Thomas. When you're the daughter of a Lord, waving everyone's title about gets to be a habit, I'm afraid." Then she takes a tentative step inside the cabin. "You've been thinking over Melchizedek's story, then, of the origins of Mirari? It is an ... unsettling one, to say the least."

Thomas motions to the bunk across from his. "Quite. About a great many things, really and none of them are pleasant. Has the thought ever crossed your mind as to how real you are? Or how real I am? Any of us?" Thomas asks, then turns his eyes toward one of the lamps and watches the flame dance in the darkness.

Hannah takes the offered seat and shakes her head ruefully. "I see we have been thinking along the same lines. Is that a Golden Hawks trait - that you form a bond of minds with others of our order?" Dropping the pretense of lightness entirely, the auburn-haired girl sighs. "Yes. In fact, I have spoken to another about a little of this very topic. There just hasn't been the opportunity to tell anyone about that until now."

"I've been thinking over it a great deal. It's weighed on me for some time now. Every time I look in a mirror, or a reflection in water, I have to wonder if I'm real, or just some poor fool pulled into this world and warped -- much like the Harcourts were some years ago," Thomas replies, not looking away from the candle. "Most of them met grizzly fates in the mortal world and I can't help but wonder if this world was the cause. The Lord Protector -- heh, some protector -- abusing the innocents from another world for his own gain."

Hannah pauses to think over her next words before saying carefully, "If the Mirari of ancient times was as unstable as Melchizedek says, then I do not fault him for trying to find some sort of solution to that problem. Perhaps he did the best he could in bad circumstances. My own concern is that he should entrust this land's fate to the games of children. That does not seem logical to me, as children do not yet have the ability to see the long-term consequences of their actions. I would rather that he had found another way."

"I agree. It concerns me even more so, because one of the children he chose ... was my grandmother in the mortal world. That would be the Lady Cherise of whom I speak often enough. Yet another oddity in the history of Mirari, eh? Thomas, of House November, whose grandmother was Lady Cherise of February," Thomas says with a sigh and shakes his head. "It makes me wonder how real I actually am. And if I'm not truly real, than are any of the decisions and actions I've made worth trusting?"

Hannah's eyes lose focus a bit as she concentrates on bringing something up from her memory. "As a wise wizard once said to me, 'I cannot look at you and tell that you are not some sort of illusion, beyond all shadow of doubt. Our senses are unreliable. But you are witness to your own thoughts, and your own soul. Never doubt that.'" The fey girl then returns her gaze to Thomas and smiles gently. "I do not doubt that you are real, Thomas. Nor do I doubt that I am real. I am merely linked to another world that controls my own, after a very odd fashion."

"Yes. In a sense, I am real. I am here now. But, I can't help but wonder how much of my supposed past is real. A man is the sum of his memories and experiences, and if mine never happened...." Thomas says and looks back. "I guess I find myself questioning myself more now that we come close to the palace, which brings up a bit of my own unpleasant past - be it real or not. And, to what may be a way to somehow end the malleability of this world. But, I just don't see how we're going to do that."

Hannah snorts at the mention of Thomas's past dealings with the Palace. "Never fear, you are not the only one who has had trouble in talking with those at Court. Or in getting them to see reason." Then she frowns. "As to your own past - well, it is unusual that a Lady of February would be related to House November, but I don't think it is unheard of. Do you know anything more of that?"

Thomas shakes his head. "No, I don't. I remember little of this world, unfortunately. As I think I've said to others, I can't even remember who my parents were supposed to be in this world," he says.

Hannah says, "Well, as you know, I've read much about your founding of the Golden Hawks and the early adventures you had, but I don't recall finding out anything concerning your parentage. 'Tis a pity, for I think you could do with just such information right now, if only to ease your mind a little."

"But, if you had, could it have been believed? Knowing the malleability of this world, I find it incredibly hard to trust anything I find here anymore," Thomas says and nods. "It's just ... I don't know. I want to have a solid place from which to stand. Something I know for certain."

Hannah nods slowly. "If I had found record of your parentage in a history, then I would believe it to be correct. So would anyone else in Mirari. Yet if it were something that the author could only have guessed at, then such a mention would have been made."

Thomas pulls up one of his legs and rests his chin on his knee. "Maybe I was an orphan, maybe I was some second son of nobility, or maybe I was just some farmer's son. Hard to and frustrating not to know," he says. "Or as I've thought -- maybe I never really existed only until recently and Mirari only shaped in enough to make it generally believable."

Hannah smiles a little at Thomas. "Then this definition of 'recently' would have to stretch back to many Years ago, which is rather a long time!"

Faint whispers reach the ears of the explorers: the voices of Sir Lefallon and Lord April, apparently speaking loud enough that they can be heard through the door. "... my fault... letting the Destroyer..."

Thomas glances toward the door for a moment, then says, "Well, unless all those memories were just a plant too. In a changing reality, hard to say how old anything is. But, saying I did exist back then, I have a few new concerns about the 'Lord Protector'."

Lord April's reply is not loud enough to be deciphered, but his tone sounds reassuring.

Hannah quirks an eyebrow in Tom's direction at the sound, then falls silent so as to hear better.

"The Lord Protector was the only one who supposedly believed me and went on my quest to the West the first time," Thomas says and glances at Hannah. "Consider that maybe it was moreso he would fear me discovering the truth he was hiding. He wasn't exactly forthcoming about the truth of Mirari's past until pressed, was he? My concern is that he actively worked to get rid of me. So I wouldn't be a threat. You know how I am -- tell me I shouldn't go somewhere or dig into something and I will -- with much vigor, I might add."

Thomas glances back towards the door and tries to listen while Hannah considers his concern.

Sir LeFallon's voice is quieter now, but some bits can still be made out. "... hadn't looked like... never happened."

Hannah's brow furrows and she nods at Thomas' words, but she stays quiet as she tries to get the gist of what Sir Lefallon and Lord April are discussing.

Lord April's reply sounds like a whip-crack. "Enough! We deal with what has happened, not what might have been."

Scolded, the young boy-knight's response is meeker and unfortunately, cannot be made out.

Thomas quirks an eyebrow, then shrugs. "Tempers are high after all that has been discussed. Understandable," he says.

Hannah replies in a low voice, "Yes. Although for different reasons, it seems."

"Yes, well, Sir Lefallon is hit harder by this than most, I think. We have evidence that his reality was changed. I feel sorry for him," Thomas says.

Lord April's voice. "... concerned that... False April... Palace..." Casual eavesdropping from where Thomas and Hannah are seated remains difficult.

"Pardon, my curiosity is getting the better of me," Thomas says, then gets up and walks over to a place near the door.

Hannah gives the Lord Explorer a lop-sided grin. "You're not the only one," she whispers, then moves nearer to the door herself.

Sir LeFallon's reply can be made out now. "... is whether to announce your return in Elysia, or in the Palace. But so long as Simon might be able to deceive people into believing that the Queen has exiled Lord April.... Well, I worry, milord."

"Reasonable concern," Thomas thinks, "I'm still more worried about what changes Simon can enact in this world more than anything."

"Aye, secrecy is a double-edged sword," Lord April says with a sigh. "But my loyalty must be first to Mirari, all of it, my knight. We will do the most good at the Palace, where we can meet with all of the other Lords, and with my sister."

The reply is inaudible, but Thomas finds it easy to imagine Sir LeFallon's downward look and sigh.

"Like the Lords can ever do anything useful. All they do is argue," Thomas thinks ruefully. "And, anyway, I'm going to look for Simon there as it is. I should probably tell Sir Lefallon that. It may ease his mind."

Sir Lefallon speaks again. "Milord, thank you for your wisdom. I can only pray that God will help guide me-- us all to what must be done to keep Mirari alive."

Lord April laughs quietly. "It is wisdom hard-earned, young knight. Go up on deck, and relieve Rachel of her watch; sometimes our duties are best served in the small things than the great deeds." Sounds of footsteps moving away.

Thomas shrugs and motions to Hannah. He walks back over to the bunk he was sitting on and settles back down. "Well, at least that seems to have ended well. Out of curiosity, how far are we from the Palace? You should have a good idea, after all -- you came from there," Thomas says.

Hannah moves back to sit on the opposite bunk again. "Well, it took the Princess and I some hours to reach the Sward from the Palace on horseback. So I suppose we would have to compare our rate of speed in this boat to that." She smiles. "Are we travelling faster or slower than Knightsteeds?"

"Not certain. I'm not one who's often traveled by Knightsteed. But, our rate of movement is similar to some regular horses I've ridden, so -- probably a bit slower," Thomas says. "Which means I need to quit worrying over the past as much and focus on the future. I'm going to have to be focused and clear-headed when I get there to try and track down Simon. I really hope I don't get caught up at some party silliness when we arrive. I'm never comfortable at such functions. Too much formality and gossip. Anyway, I'll lay out how I plan to try and track down Simon. Feel free to make suggestions based on what you know about the Palace. It would be helpful..."

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